Whether you’ve celebrated Rosh Hashanah your entire life or it’s your first time, there are a multitude of ways to wish someone a happy Jewish New Year. Here are 15 Rosh Hashanah greetings that will absolutely definitely kinda sorta maybe get the job done. (Results may vary.)
1. Shana tova.
In Hebrew, this literally means “Good year.” It’s the most common Rosh Hashanah greeting.
2. Tizku l’shaneem rabot.
A Humble Request for the New Year:You can help keep Hey Alma's radically inclusive Jewish community free and open to all. Your gift means someone, somewhere, feels a little less alone this holiday season.
An expression popular among Sephardic Jews, this Hebrew phrase translates to “May you merit many year.”
3. It’s cold in here!
Hey, if it’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth when you enter synagogue, it’s a greeting.
4. Wait… fuck, Rosh Hashanah is today?
A sacred, ancient saying among non-observant Jews; usually uttered upon finding their bagel spot is closed for the holiday.
5. Shofar so good.
A kitschy turn of phrase your dad will 1000% whisper to you when the shofars come out.
6. Shofar so… just OK.
Sometimes it’s OK to admit that your Jewish New Year is just OK.
7. Merry Rosh Hashanah to all, and to all, a good night!
Appropriate when the Jewish New Year falls on Christmas Day.
8. May you be sealed in the Book of Life; and may you be sealed in a catacomb after I devilishly trick you into trying my cask of Amontillado.
A greeting that accounts for your greatest friend and your worst enemy.
9. I’m so 5788, you’re so 2,000 and late.
A way to say “Happy Rosh Hashanah” to your non-Jewish friends, courtesy of the Black Eyed Peas. Note: It doesn’t matter if the Jewish New Year isn’t actually 5788 — ending on a rhyme is preferable and there’s an 83% chance non-Jews won’t know the difference.
10. Happy Jew Year!
I mean, it’s right there.
11. Hi, I’m currently OOO for Rosh Hashanah. If this is an urgent matter, please reach out to Jenna in accounting. Otherwise I will respond to your message after the holiday. Thanks in advance for your patience! Talk soon.
Per the Talmud, vacation responders also count as a Rosh Hashanah greeting.
12. Have a sweet-and-low New Year.
A salutation specifically for almond moms.
13. ShaaaAaAaAaAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAhhh oo ow ouch owie ouch ouch ah ah ach ugh ah tovah.
If you start to wish someone “L’shana tovah” and fall down a flight of stairs mid-sentence, this expression is acceptable.
14. Buzz buzz buzz buzz!
In honeybee language this means:
“We shall ascribe holiness to this day.
For it is awesome and terrible.
Your kingship is exalted upon it.
Your throne is established in mercy.
You are enthroned upon it in truth.
In truth You are the judge,
The exhorter, the all‑knowing, the witness,
He who inscribes and seals,
Remembering all that is forgotten.
You open the book of remembrance
Which proclaims itself,
And the seal of each person is there.
The great shofar is sounded,
A still small voice is heard.
The angels are dismayed,
They are seized by fear and trembling
As they proclaim: Behold the Day of Judgment!
For all the hosts of heaven are brought for judgment.
They shall not be guiltless in Your eyes
And all creatures shall parade before You as a troop.
As a shepherd herds his flock,
Causing his sheep to pass beneath his staff,
So do You cause to pass, count, and record,
Visiting the souls of all living,
Decreeing the length of their days,
Inscribing their judgment.
On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed,
And on Yom Kippur it is sealed.
How many shall pass away and how many shall be born,
Who shall live and who shall die,
Who shall reach the end of his days and who shall not,
Who shall perish by water and who by fire,
Who by sword and who by wild beast,
Who by famine and who by thirst,
Who by earthquake and who by plague,
Who by strangulation and who by stoning,
Who shall have rest and who shall wander,
Who shall be at peace and who shall be pursued,
Who shall be at rest and who shall be tormented,
Who shall be exalted and who shall be brought low,
Who shall become rich and who shall be impoverished.
But repentance, prayer and righteousness avert the severe decree.
For Your praise is in accordance with Your name. You are difficult to anger and easy to appease. For You do not desire the death of the condemned, but that he turn from his path and live. Until the day of his death You wait for him. Should he turn, You will receive him at once. In truth You are their Creator and You understand their inclination, for they are but flesh and blood. The origin of man is dust, his end is dust. He earns his bread by exertion and is like a broken shard, like dry grass, a withered flower, like a passing shadow and a vanishing cloud, like a breeze that blows away and dust that scatters, like a dream that flies away. But You are King, God who lives for all eternity! There is no limit to Your years, no end to the length of Your days, no measure to the hosts of Your glory, no understanding the meaning of Your Name. Your Name is fitting unto You and You are fitting unto it, and our name has been called by Your Name. Act for the sake of Your Name and sanctify Your Name through those who sanctity Your Name.”
15. Help! I ate too much honey and got stuck in my friend’s front door and now he’s drawing a smiley face on my butt.
Old Ladino idiom about enjoying the bounty of a Rosh Hashanah seder or plot of “Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree”? There’s literally no way to know.
