Over the past few years, stores and big name brands have produced some truly out-of-pocket products for Hanukkah. Target went back-to-back in 2021 and 2022 with their definitely haunted Hanukkah comfy and lion menorah that strikingly resembled a penis . And who could forget the PetSmart Hanukkah lizard sweater and the Dollar Store’s thrilling Hanukkah section of yesteryear?
Thus, it is with great sorrow that I say the following: I was fairly underwhelmed by weird Hanukkah gift items and decor this year. For whatever reason — and I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that we in the Jewish community get a delicious pleasure out of pointing out when retailers get our holidays and rituals wrong — it seems like Hanukkah product designers did not get their freak on like in years past. They played it safe with chic Chrismukkah ornaments, evil eye home decor and cozy Hanukkah PJs. Which is fine. Thanks, I guess.
Still, I was able to scrounge up some weird and wonderful Hanukkah gifts for each night. (With a few bonus gifts.) Buy them for the lovable Jewish oddballs in your life or get them for yourself. And may we all have a very weird Hanukkah!
Sometimes a challah doesn't want to be eaten. It wants to be held. To be loved. To be understood. This is one of those times.
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Personally, I prefer it when my Hanukkah friends aren't bendable. I also prefer it when my Hanukkah friends don't look like they have some trauma buried deep, deep down. It's for these reasons that Norah and Spinny have made this list.
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Everyone climb aboard the Hanukkah train! I have no idea where it's going, nor how a dreidel was hired to be a train conductor, nor why we even need transit-themed Hanukkah decorations at all. Chug-a chug-a, choo choo!
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Give this mug to your enemy or your ill-tempered but lovable friend.
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May I offer you a pickle (bandage) in this trying time?
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OK, look, I'm sure these marzipan Hanukkah gnomes are delicious. But... you see it, too, right? It's definitely a me problem that I see these wholesome, handmade treats and my mind goes somewhere unmentionable. I am a gross, disgusting pervert and for that I am sorry. But I'm not wrong, right? These gnomes do look like... you know?
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"Relief on wall of Forum depicting Roman troops taking menorah from temple" (Bed Bath & Beyond)
Nothing says "Happy Hanukkah" like a print of Roman soldiers sacking the Temple! Or, at least, I have to assume that's what Bed Bath & Beyond was thinking when they put this in their Hanukkah section!
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Art Deco Menorah (West Elm)
While there's nothing explicitly weird about this menorah, it has a certain haunting je ne sais quoi. It's as if a bunch of door hinges came to life and converted to Judaism; or perhaps the Antler Queen from "Yellowjackets" decided to forge her own menorah. Either way, I hate it.
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It's an everything bagel candle that smells like buttered chai spice? Yeah, sure, why not?!
Buy NowBonus Weird Gift, Part II
Have these latkes ever explored each other's bodies? The answer has to be yes.
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