Alma Classifieds

Feeling lonely? You’re not alone. Even before a pandemic made socializing a risk to your health, it’s never been easy to find *your* people. But we want to help. One of the joys of watching the Alma community expand is seeing our readers connect with each other, whether it’s flirting in the comments of our Instagram page or finding a fellow Jew in a small town to reach out to. Now, we’re taking our matchmaking to the next level with the launch of Alma Classifieds, an old-school way to make new connections. Whether you’re in the market for a romantic partner, friends, or just someone with a dog you can pet, we’re here to help you find what you’re looking for.

How to submit:

In your classified, please tell us who you are and what you’re looking for (but keep it anonymous, i.e. no names!). Are you looking for love? Friendship? A pen pal? Classifieds often include your hobbies or fun facts, but include whatever feels right and authentic to you. If you’re looking for an in-person connection, please include your location (as general or specific as you want!), or if you’re looking for a virtual or long-distance thing, you can note that as well. Give a sense of your age (doesn’t have to be exact if you don’t want it to be) and keep your text to 300 characters or less. Need some inspiration? Check out these examples from some of our favorite fictional Jews.

We can’t wait to read yours!

Please note that not all classifieds will be listed. We’re a small team, and we only have limited matchmaking capacity, but we’re trying our very best to help you find love/friendship/a dog. Xoxo, Team Alma. 

Submit a classified here: 

https://forms.gle/gXiG2dZdCo7Pt3Hn6

Reply to a classified posted July 15, 2021

HOT AUSSIE NJBs. I’m a half-Jewish, half-Japanese, science-loving gay Australian (23, M) looking for friends or more in Sydney, Australia. Since we’re in lockdown I’m keen for an overseas pen pal too (we can obsess over Troye Sivan together <3). Reply here.

ISRAELI YEMENITE SEEKING PALS IN LA (24, F) leaning into my Yemenite heritage and looking for a Jewish Yemenite friend (maybe even community?) in LA to learn from and grow with. Me: lifetime camp person, progressive, artist, rock climber, baker, bookstore lover, traveler. Reply here.

28M ASHKE-PHARDI, leftist, Jewish history PhD in LA seeking someone (F) with Emma Goldman/Fran Fine/witchy vibes. Can teach you Ladino and Yiddish and feed you borekas and cholent. Fan of cats, therapy, used bookstores, and Joni Mitchell. Let’s grab a drink and talk about intergenerational trauma? Reply here.

NEW YORK JEW LOOKING FOR A SUMMER FLING AND/OR CHALLAH. I’m a 19 y/o genderqueer trans man seeking someone who is 19-21. I’m an adventurous creative who loves trying new hobbies and going to events, especially anything involving baking or hair dye! Reply here.

NEW DOG MOM (29, F) in Brooklyn nervous to act on queerness for the first time at this age after ending long term hetero relationship. Seeking support, some guidance, and ultimately love with a NJDL (nice Jewish dog lover) of any gender. Reply here.

JEW-BY-CHOICE (IN PROGRESS) SEEKS FRIENDS IN THE DC METRO AREA. If you are seeking a friend who dresses like Mac Miller and has your dad’s sense of humor, I’m your girl. Looking for the queerest friend group of DC young professionals possible. (Side note: Must like dogs.) Reply here.

28 Y/O NOT-SO-NICE JG IN CHICAGO looking for a male partner who’s smart, active, and pet friendly. I’m spending most of my summer between Hollywood Beach and Fat Cat, where should we meet? Reply here.

27 (ALMOST 28) Y/O JEWISH LADY LIVING IN BERLIN, GERMANY, looking for some new friends to hang out with, bike to the lake, play table tennis, and drink lots of coffee with. I can offer amazing cooking and an open heart. Ready to become part of a cool Jew gang. Reply here.

THE JEAN-RALPHIO SAPERSTEIN TO MY MONA LISA. 24 y/o female seeks funny friends in the LA area to start a comedy group with. Sketches, parodies, improv, and definitely some sending Parks and Recs gifs in a group chat. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted July 8, 2021:

BROOKLYN-BASED QUEER RABBINICAL STUDENT (23, she/her) seeking lefty friends for Shabbat dinners, chats in the park over ice cream, and reenacting Broad City scenes. My new Big Apple besties are ideally non cis-men who are excited to swap tattoo stories and listen to me talk about my cat. Reply here.

NB-QUEERDO (30, she/they, gay, St. Paul) looking for in-person love, mutual commitment to sweatpants and British competition shows, and fervent passion for cellulite. Hobbies include smelling books, lamenting my lost academic life, and loving my pibble princess more than anything else in the world. Reply here.

JEW-BY-CHOICE READER/WRITER/EDUCATOR (30F) relocating to Dallas-Fort Worth this summer and seeking wide open spaces, a tennis partner, and a Texas man to settle down with. Reply here.

24 Y/O BI NJG looking to continue her family’s tradition of finding their basherts via personal ad (true story) in NYC. Loves baking, singing badly to her cat, and biking around to admire the trees. Looking for someone who loves to eat (a must), is funny as hell, and is politically, as comrade Beyonce once said, “to the left, to the left.” Sacha Baron Cohen lookalikes encouraged to apply. Reply here.

NERDY, WORDY NJG (28) based in Northern NJ seeking love, friendship, and/or future life partnership of any gender. Let’s eat at kosher restaurants, explore museums, swap book recs, and moon over passing pets. Bonus points for travelers, tree-huggers, and punny people. Reply here.

D.C. COLLEGE INTERN (18F) seeking some friends (maybe other summer interns??) to explore the city with! Reply here.

VERY JEWISH L.A. based (but NY bred) 30 y/o (F) designer and supermarket lover seeks life partner (M) in sincerity and silliness. Strong AF Jewish identity and sense of humor a must. Cringe jokes welcome. Reply here.

GAY NJB HUSBAND MATERIAL IN NYC. I’ve got my shit together and pair realism with a generally sunny disposition. Left a successful corporate career to pursue a long-held dream of becoming a doctor (clearly a MIL’s dream). Into cultivating community, time in the outdoors, CrossFit, DJing, dancing and finding someone I can feel passionate with & at home around. Hit me up if you know yourself and what you’re looking for.  Reply here.

30 Y/O F IN THE TRIANGLE AREA (NC) LOOKING FOR HER BASHERT (M). I’m a tall (5’11”) Jewish doctor seeking something real with a kind, playful, intellectual, tall and passionate soul who is excited to spend time exploring, adventuring, laughing, eating, snuggling and sharing. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted July 1, 2021:

JEWS IN NORWAY? Going from being in the triple majority (queer Jew from the TriState area at my liberal arts college) to a triple minority (all of those things in Southern Norway). Me: 22, queer woman, into used books & new friends & clever alcoholic beverages! Looking for Jewish friends, community, dates, etc., across the Pacific in the sweet sweet country of Norway. Reply here.

LA MUSIC PRODUCER (33M) seeks creative and compassionate cutie (F) to leave parties early with. Enjoys cult docs, good lox, and TikToks. Reply here.

MENSCH WITH AN EDGE. 29 y/o in NYC seeks her bashert of any gender to raise hell, make the world better, co-host Shabbat dinners, and go dancing with. Extra love to fellow shorties and non-dog people. Reply here.

D.C. GIRL GANG? Just a gal in her early ‘20s looking to put together a girl gang made up of the baddest bitches in D.C. Chutzpah required and love for margs strongly encouraged. Hobbies include: eating bagels, hiking, searching for the world’s best queso, listening to my mothers unsolicited advice, and trying to come up with better hobbies. Reply here.

ATTN: PHILLY JEWISH FOLK. Me: 28/f/recent convert seeking Jewish community. You: 20s-30s/any gender/seeking Shabbat dinner parties, social justice discussions, and spending time outdoors. Open to havruta opportunities. Reply here.

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO PRACTICE YIDDISH WITH (25 y/o NJG), virtually or in Baltimore/DMV/maybe NYC. Beginning speaker/reader learning for fun, cultural connection, and to incorporate Yiddish literature & theatre into my own art. If we happen to fall in love while practicing, that’s cool too. Progressive, Sagittarius, dog lover, down to chat about Isaac Bashevis Singer or Simone Biles. Reply here.

NJG (28) SEEKS KIND, NERDY DUDE in Brooklyn/NYC who appreciates some big Jewish hair and a lot of chaotic energy. Need someone to let me cook for them in exchange for helping fill the awkward silences. Reply here.

MARRIED MILLENNIAL JEWISH GAL SEEKING FRIENDSHIP IN WESTCHESTER. Enjoys chatting at local cafes, animals of all types, low key outdoor adventures, veggie food and singing too loud to obnoxious ‘90s boy bands. Reply here.

MANDY PATINKIN’S GRANDDAUGHTER…  not really but am obsessed with him and could potentially be his granddaughter in another life. I’m a 22 gf vegan (annoying I know) looking for a queer pen pal and/or zoom buddy to chat all things queerness, jewishness and maybe even do virtual bake seshes with! Originally from Long-guy-land but living in Liverpool now! Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted June 24, 2021:

OLD FASHIONED CONNECTION. 21 y/o non binary person looking for a pen pal! Letters are so fun and I tend to be extra about them. A friendship over snail mail is so meaningful. And we can be dramatic and pretend to write to our husbands at war or something. Xo Reply here.

LATE 20s TEXAN LADY seeking NJB or NJG with bi-wife energy so I can stop disappointing my parents and settle down. I enjoy food and traveling, typically at the same time. I’m also really into anime and need someone I can geek out with from time to time. I’m a cat person looking for a golden retriever s/o. Reply here.

FUN, SMART, SENSITIVE 21 Y/O GUY looking for a NJG in the College Park, MD area. My hobbies include video games (both playing and coding), baking challah, watching New Girl and West Wing, going out for bubble tea and ramen, and reading fantasy novels. My Jewish mother will probably like you more than she likes me. I will send you memes at all hours of the day. Reply here.

30 Y/O LEFTY LESBIAN VIRGO in D.C. seeks NJG in the DMV. Let’s share banter, romcoms, bread products. Here for deep dives into Jewish thought and each other. Reply here.

EX-ORTHODOX BROOKLYN JEWESS (24 y/o) looking for a local well-adjusted man on his own derech to (seriously) date. About me: loves reading, art, mostly nice, very social, and a solid 7/10. I know enough Yiddish to impress your bubby and hoping you’ll know the words that I don’t to impress mine in return. Reply here.

HOOSIER IN HOUSTON (33F) ISO female friends in Space City. I’m not new to the city but introverted enough that it feels that way. Likes cats, building things, and museums. Hoping to get back in touch with Judaism, maybe with a dash of hippy-witch vibes and sarcasm for good measure. I’m in that weird in-between part of life after settling down but before kids and marriage. Let’s talk over tacos! Reply here.

JEWISH PROFESSIONAL/DOG MOM (25, F) seeks love (M) in San Francisco. New to the city and now that things are opening up I want someone who wants to explore the city with me during the day, let me cook dinner for them, and snuggle up with me and my pup at night! Reply here.

QUEER CHUTZPANIK SEEKING PLANS. I am a 23 y/o queer woman new to Nashville, TN. Likes: funky earrings, body art, talmud & social justice. Dislikes: sports, being called the wrong name & injustice. I’m interested in spending time with any 20-something Jews (of all genders) in the area, friendship and maybe more! Reply here.

DEDICATED YOUNG WRITER (M, 27) looking for writing partner to both create great work and kvetch together — whether in person or virtually. I’m mourning the death of bohemia and the public intellectuals and I am longing for a return to that era. If you’re a writer who thinks outside the box and is looking for artistic companionship, let’s support each other! Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted June 17, 2021:

CARIOCA GEORGE COSTANZA TYPE (30-something) looks for the NJG lox to his NJB bagel in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil to geek about TV shows, cooking, Shabbat dinners, movies, cuddles and everything else. Must have a sense of humor, good appetite, and tolerance for bad jokes and puns.  Reply here.

ISO SHABBAT DINNER GUESTS IN SOUTHERN AZ. 26 y/o Mizrahi weirdo and her 32 y/o non-Jewish, Black male partner seek radical, interfaith/interracial/Sephardi/Mizrahi couples and families to be our Shabbat dinner guests in southern Arizona. We’re vaxxed, he’s a professional cook (I’m good too!), and we’re craving a fun, supportive, and nourishing community of people like us. Let’s build it together! Reply here.

28 Y/O LEFTIE IN TORONTO SEEKING HER NJB. Half Sephardic Egyptian, half Ashkenazi, so I make latkes and shakshuka that will change your life. Let’s geek out on musical theatre and swap our mom’s challah recipes. Reply here.

LATE 20s FEMALE ~JEWISH PROFESSIONAL~ IN BOSTON looking for community, kisses, and someone to tag in my favorite memes. Bisexual, usually yelling about pop music or clinging to my glue gun. I tend to take things seriously, but I’m still pretty funny 😊 Reply here.

31 Y/O LESBIAN SEEKING HER BASHERT (ATL). I’m just a girl, standing in front of you, asking for a bite of your food after I said I wasn’t hungry. Seeking: kind, career oriented, NJG who values clear communication. Let’s go on an adventure together. Reply here.

NEW-TO-NOVA LIBRARIAN (26 y/o) seeking queer Jewish community and friendship. Let’s bake challah, share book recommendations (duh!) and hike cool trails!  Reply here.

25 Y/O GAL IN LA SEEKING A ROMANTIC PARTNER WITH BI WIFE ENERGY. Together we can go on all the hikes, walk through art galleries, and mildly disappoint our families because of tattoos. 🖤  Bonus points if you’ll rewatch Avatar the Last Airbender with me. Reply here.

NEW FRIENDS IN EDINBURGH? Hey pals! I am a 23 y/o bi NJG from Canada moving to Edinburgh for school and looking to make new friends. Friendship comes with (overly dense – looking at you yeast) challah on Fridays and a laugh over some Manischewitz (read: tequila). Hit me up if you want to hang. Please. Pandemic moves are scary. Reply here.

Reply to a classified post June 10, 2021:

WANNABE BALABOOSTA (23 y/o) looking for my Sam the pickle man to cross Delancey & come find me in Brooklyn. Me: “favorite grandma” energy, love knitting, languages & buying too many Jewish history books. ISO Yiddishkeit loving traveler to sing nigunim, tell me bedtime stories & hug me like it’s his job. Reply here.

NEW-IN-TOWN LEFTIST SEEKING COMMUNITY (23, Cambridge). I’m moving in July and want to meet other Boston 20-somethings. Let’s go to protests & grab bagels! Me: Jew-ish, she/her, queer, hwc grad, likes poetry & museums. You: down for zine-making on Shabbat, don’t care that I’m a scorpio double gemini. Reply here.

EARLY 20s NJGOC (Nice Jewish Girl of Color) in Austin, TX looking for a women or non-binary person to romance. I WILL make you shakshuka and knafeh, don’t even sweat. I’m also a (hopeful) future rabbi and speak Hebrew and Yiddish, so you’re sure to make your mom proud by bringing me home 😉 Reply here.

NJB (27) SEEKING NJG IN BROOKLYN/NYC. Loves hiking, taking photos, and enjoying life. Foodie looking for someone fun. 4/20 friendly a plus. Reply here.

23 Y/O MOVING TO BOULDER SEEKING ROOMIES & FRIENDS. Relocating to Boulder this summer and would love to find housemates or friends who like going on walks, baking challah, buying too many houseplants, and geeking over dogs. Reply here.

PANSEXUAL JEWISH LEO (32, Buffalo, NY) seeking local or online fellow pop culture nerds who also have a lot of opinions and a lot of anxiety. We can watch shows and critique them with an intersectional feminist lens! And maybe flirt a little, who knows! Reply here.

LOOKING FOR THE JON OSSOFF TO MY DR. ALISHA KRAMER (WSM, 23F) in MN. Aspiring doctor skilled at coping w/ existential dread and dysfunctional family dynamics. Seeking man who is down to co-parent 2 cats and thrive as 1/2 of an iconic middle-aged Jewish couple. Reply here.

TORONTO CHALLAH BAKING QUEEN (29) looking for NJB soulmate to swap camp stories, laugh until I snort, and raise future mensch babies. Faves include my chaotic kitty, musicals, social justice, and rewatching sitcoms. Let’s get chai & makeout by the campfire. Seth Rogen lookalikes encouraged to apply. Reply here.

31 Y/O FULLY VAXXED, NEARLY CONVERTED, SYNAGOGUE EMPLOYED blundstone bisexual leftist seeks chavruta partner for torah study & complex convos on the lake, in the forest, over boba. New to Seattle, generally looking for queer Jewish non-men friends with chill but not careless energy. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted posted June 3, 2021:

LESBIAN LARRY DAVID (27, NYC) ISO a lady or NB love. Me: eavesdropper, gets lost while using Google Maps, too afraid to ask to pet dogs but always wants to, discusses next meal while eating current meal. You: funny, kind, introspective. Reply here.

BORSCHT BELT ENTHUSIAST SEEKS MIDWEST MIDGE MAISEL to deli hop with. 25 y/o Chicago area NJB in search of local NJG (21-26). Hobbies include admiring dogs in public, cheering on Chicago sports teams and going to Target way too often. Are you Team Applesauce or Sour Cream? Reply here

QUEER JEWISH HOTTIE LOOKING FOR SAME. Living in Oregon, early 20s, AMAB nonbinary, looking for NJB. I’m obsessed with baking, climbing, crafting and the occasional plant murder 🙁 hoping to find a queer hottie located on the west coast who can take me camping and teach me how to keep a plant alive. Reply here

LONDON BORN AND BRE(A)D NJB LOOKING FOR A NJG. I’m an amateur lock-down baker looking for someone to buy a KitchenAid with. I enjoy running, cycling and bouldering — but equally happy with a lazy weekend watching films. Reply here

LONDON-BASED FEMALE 28 Y/O NJG SEEKING NJB. Looking for a guy to explore new restaurants with as they open back up! You have to be open to me co-ordering food so we can try as much of every menu as possible. Reply here

23 Y/O VENEZULAN NJG SEEKING FEMALE ROOMMATE IN L.A. Recent architect grad moving this Sept. in search of a Masters Degree, new adventures and a cool roommate to make the most out of post-COVID life, including but not limited to: making arepas, sharing skin care routines and becoming TikTok famous. Reply here

NEW TO THE PUGET SOUND AREA (mid 20s, she/her/hers) looking for a small group of queer-friendly, not-so-kosher people to take turns hosting Shabbos meals with. I’ll bring the babka and the brisket, you bring your favorites to the table! Reply here

29 Y/O QUEER JEWISH WOMAN SEEKING LOVE, PARTNERSHIP & A HIKING BUDDY IN CLEVELAND. Me: pediatrician, Arbeter Ring type, loves hiking, cooking, and justice work. You: earnest, kind, independent, serious goofball who loves the outdoors, the indoors, and my cat. Let’s have a picnic on the lake together. Reply here

ALMOST 30 Y/O BISEXUAL NJG IN THE CLE SEEKING ROMANTIC PARTNER for Shabbat dinners, adventure and cuddles. Bonus points (but life is like whose line is it anyways and the points don’t matter) for having a love of musicals, Jewish food and humor. Challah at me for bad puns and witty banter. Reply here.

See previously posted Alma Classifieds here.