Alma Classifieds

Feeling lonely? You’re not alone. Even before a pandemic made socializing a risk to your health, it’s never been easy to find *your* people. But we want to help. One of the joys of watching the Alma community expand is seeing our readers connect with each other, whether it’s flirting in the comments of our Instagram page or finding a fellow Jew in a small town to reach out to. Now, we’re taking our matchmaking to the next level with the launch of Alma Classifieds, an old-school way to make new connections. Whether you’re in the market for a romantic partner, friends, or just someone with a dog you can pet, we’re here to help you find what you’re looking for.

How to submit:

In your classified, please tell us who you are and what you’re looking for (but keep it anonymous, i.e. no names!). Are you looking for love? Friendship? A pen pal? Classifieds often include your hobbies or fun facts, but include whatever feels right and authentic to you. If you’re looking for an in-person connection, please include your location (as general or specific as you want!), or if you’re looking for a virtual or long-distance thing, you can note that as well. Give a sense of your age (doesn’t have to be exact if you don’t want it to be) and keep your text to 300 characters or less. Need some inspiration? Check out these examples from some of our favorite fictional Jews.

We can’t wait to read yours!

Please note that not all classifieds will be listed. We’re a small team, and we only have limited matchmaking capacity, but we’re trying our very best to help you find love/friendship/a dog. Xoxo, Team Alma. 

Submit a classified here: 

https://forms.gle/gXiG2dZdCo7Pt3Hn6

Reply to a classified posted April 7, 2021

JEWISH ELLIOT PAGE (27, nonbinary/transmasculine) seeks grounded, compassionate femme-leaning creative spirit for partnership and joy. Me: NYC-based, monog playwright with a penchant for old movies, Italian wine, and Southern literature, and a face your Bubbe will love. Reply here.

MID 20S FEMALE CHICAGO TOWNIE SEEKS NJB. Accidental Jewish professional born and raised in the windy city looking for leftist Nice Jewish Boy. Must be down with community organizing, taste testing my challah experiments, listening to This American Life, picking up bagels on Sunday mornings, and long walks on the 606. Reply here.

UNDER-ROMANCED ROMANTIC IN AUSTIN, TX! Twenty-something NJG seeking same, must love dogs and Shakespeare. Let me bake you vegan challah, write you love poetry, and tell you funny stories about my middle school students. Reply here.

21 Y/O GUY FROM AMSTERDAM looking for someone to (virtually) talk about what Judaism can mean in a modern world. Reply here.

LOOKING FOR A DYKE TO DISAPPOINT MAIMONIDES WITH. 31 y/o Portland Jewish goblingirlthing. Passionate about Judaism, nihilist memes, dancing in the dark, finding myself. Are you looking for yourself too? Maybe we can meet in the middle. (Long distance okay.) Reply here.

STRAIGHT JEWISH MAN STUDYING FOR A PhD (26) in North London. Looking for guinea pigs and love. Will provide Finsbury Park beigels in return for experiment participation. Ideal participant should enjoy birdwatching, Pilates, and bringing in the Shabbas with some smooth — or rough — jazz. Reply here.

A PHILLY GIRL (32) moving to Tel Aviv with her Israeli husband. Looking for new friends to go with the new life! Big fan of being outdoors, drag queens, and bourekas. Reply here.

NYC DOG LOVER SEEKS HUMAN PILLOW. This 31 y/o enjoys long walks on the beach (Riverside Park), tragic old photos, and a balanced diet of Sweetgreen and chocolate. Seeking a man who can make her laugh while checking the closet for monsters. Ready for her Safta to stop asking if she’s still single. Reply here.

OUTGOING BALTIMORE-BASED AGNOSTIC JEW (23) currently working in Major League Baseball. Enthusiastic about space, photography, sitcoms, Spongebob memes, and dogs. Looking to make local friends with similar interests!! Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted April 1, 2021

24 Y/O GAY JEWISH PLANT DAD seeking DILF-in-training. I’m a medical student in Miami — I know, the Jewish doctor bit has been done — but I promise I can outshine others with some good Mizrahi cooking skills, an easygoing demeanor, and my post-braces smile. Reply here.

LESBIAN BOCHUR4BOCHUR. What if… we kissed in the yeshiva… but we were both women? Looking for a dyke with Avigdor energy for fierce & hot Talmud debates that end with you clamping your hand over my mouth. 25/London, UK. Reply here.

WRITING NERD STUCK AT HOME SEEKS PENPAL. Passionate about baking, Broadway, comics & geeking out over Jewish representation in books, movies, TV, etc. I’m currently a college girl, so must be 18-23. Can’t wait to meet you, new friend! Reply here.

18 Y/O ANXIETY-FILLED JEWISH GIRL looking for a NJB to connect with in Leiden (the Netherlands). Must be comfortable with awkward silences, my inability to bake challah, and my ongoing affair with the temptation to disappear into the Scottish highlands. Reply here.

CAST IRON QUEER SEEKS ROMANTIC LOVE. Let’s cook a meal others would call too rich with ingredients from our garden, then share cleanup as we dance in the kitchen. Seeking deep love to grow in tenderness together. 28, non-binary, white, disabled, Jewish, in therapy. North Carolina locals to the front! Reply here.

YOUNG 20s GAL LOOKING FOR FRIENDSHIP IN DC. Previously spent a year convincing Jewish grandmothers to vote. Trying to build the ULTIMATE squad of bakers, hikers, and kvetchers. We will go on adventures big (maybe going tubing in Richmond, VA) and small (dancing down the street to get bagels). Reply here.

IRAQI JEWISH TEXAN GAL seeks NJB. 38 y/o in Austin looking for funny, kind bear that appreciates a perfect everything bagel. Long distance OK. I’ll make coffee if you take us on a road trip to nowhere in particular. I can cook but you won’t love it — I have cuddles and awful jokes to make up for it. Reply here.

TORONTO MUSIC NERD WITH A NUT ALLERGY (29). Ladies, he’s got it all! I’m a songwriter, jazz student, and Beach Boys fanboy. Looking for a musical/artistic woman that can put my record collection and shakshuka recipe to shame (yes, that is a challenge). Let’s take it slow and see where we go ✌🏻 Reply here.

27 Y/O REFORM JEWESS IN VANCOUVER, BC looking for a Jewish best friend to have morning coffee dates, late night drinks, and long walks to Solley’s together. My interests include tattoos, video games, and reading. Anyone interested in getting greasy takeout and binge watching The Office? Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted March 25, 2021

TRADITION, TRADITION… Parents met via a Jewish newspaper classifieds ad so here I am hoping their luck is genetic. Female (21) from CA living in PA, moving to NY. Loves music, dance, and languages. Reform/Conservative, likes men/women. Seeking a well-spoken, funny partner who loves music and the arts. Reply here.

9th GENERATION JAMAICAN OF SEPHARDIC DESCENT (m), Irish Catholic (p), 29, 6’2 and tons of fun, references avail. Looking for a bright, strong, independent woman with a smile that melts hearts to explore, adventure, and grow with. Sailor, brewer, director of synagogue. On-island or willing to try. Reply here.

LOOKING FOR LOVE WITHOUT PROCREATION. 37yo Ashkenazi cis/het woman in the Bay Area. Teacher, anti-racist, reader, intellectual, sassy. I love integrity, wits, and some height (I’m 5’8″). In person preferred, if you’re in my homeland (LA, CA) that’s okay, too. 😉 Reply  here.

BLACK JEWISH NON-BINARY POLY FEMME looking for a femme friend in the Salt Lake City area. Late 30s, looking for same or older. We could be just friends, it could develop into something more. Open to all possibilities. I love anime, video games, and shopping at Trader Joe’s. Reply here.

EX-SOVIET RUSSIAN-SPEAKING JEWISH GRANDMA (90) seeking pen/phone pal. Located in the greater Chicago area but open to pen pals from other areas. Freshly widowed and vaccinated, so bittersweet is the current vibe. Willing to part with my borscht recipe for friendship. Reply here.

SEEKING A GAY EUROPEAN NICE JEWISH BOY. I’m an 18 y/o male, Sephardic, Reform Jew and a first year uni student looking for another guy I can connect and travel with. I’m a hopeless romantic who loves theatre, books, indie music/films, and anything Ben Platt. I’m open to anyone in Europe, just be around my age. Reply here.

QUEER STONER NEW TO TOWN. Me: Trans man, 23, recently moved to Brooklyn, looking for friends and a relationship, absolutely loves to cook, and will also clean dishes after! You: Any gender, loves food, not an asshole, and lover of the Oxford comma. Reply here.

WEIRDO ARTSY PROFESSIONAL SEEKING SOULMATE (WSM). I am a 30yo baby doctor in Chicago who loves Yiddish, my tiny dog, art, movies, bird watching, reality TV, the moon, and eating pasta. Ideal date night involves sharing lofty ideas, screaming about radical social justice, and giggling. Reply here.

FEMALE PHOTOGRAPHER making work about Jewish ritual and collective memory. Just moved to New England and am looking to connect with new people to photograph! Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted March 18, 2021:

SEEKING MY BI BASHERT. NJB (nice Jewish bisexual) seeking other nice Jewish bisexuals for a blue-purple-pink hued love story. 24 and moving to NYC soon, where we can hold hands and walk across bridges like an indie film. Let’s get a jumpstart on our forever and text to pass the time. Reply here.

QUEER & ANGRY & I CAN’T DRIVE. (19) I’ve been told I give off forest fairy vibes. If you live in LA can I please pet your dog? Or cat, I’m not prejudiced. I like plants more than people but I’m looking for new friends to help me plant flowers. Reply here.

SOUTHERN NJB SEEKS HIS JEWISH QUEEN. Looking for a girl who values education, career goals, and Jewish identity as much as I do. Points for being a musician/artist like I am. Will impress your parents and Bubbe or your money back! Reply here.

23-YEAR-OLD SLIGHTLY ANXIOUS JEWISH GIRL working in fashion, looking for other nice/stylish/fun Jews in the Tokyo area. I have yet to find any other Jews here so wondering if we exist? I’m looking for a friend I can confide in! Reply here.

BUXOM JEWESS SEEKS JEWISH FEMINIST BASHERT. 28-year-old baby rabbi w/ great curls & glasses game. Enjoys: niggunim, cholent, Torah. Hobbies: making crafts, writing poems, Netflix. You: a self-actualized man who wears Tevas, Berks, or Chacos, & is ready for this jelly. NY-based, new-job-&-city-bound. Reply here.

27-YEAR-OLD QUEER JEWTINA IN PHILLY looking for my vivacious NJG beshert. I love microbreweries, kosher Latin food, and come with two adorable rescue dogs. Let’s plan post-vaccination road trips over tehina shakes from Goldie. Based in PHL but open to PGH/NYC-area NJGs. Reply here.

ALLERGY-BRACELET WEARING STRAIGHT FEMALE (21) looking for a gentle soul who is okay avoiding shellfish so my throat doesn’t close. Would love a NF NJB (nut-free NJB) to bake with, sing poorly with, and take art classes with. I am based in the Cleveland area but willing to travel for love. Reply here.

25-YEAR-OLD LOOKING FOR A PEN PAL! Interested in unique ways to be Jewish, true crime, reading & book clubs, & crafting. Based in NOLA but happy to write to anyone, anywhere! Really hoping to find someone who is interested in a long term pen pal friendship, not just 1 or 2 letters. With patience tho, ofc. Reply here.

HEART-CENTERED EMPATH SEEKING SAME. 27-year-old jewess in search of an LA-based hebrew, shebrew, or theybrew who shares a love of kitty cats, ‘90s fashion, hip hop, antiquing, and intersectional feminism. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted March 11, 2021:

SEEKING THE MAYA TO MY NATASHA. New-to-the-Tribe elder millennial searching for a co-star to share pop culture hot takes, existential dread, & equal billing on the inevitable film about the healing effect our witty banter will have on humanity. Deep love of late ‘90s pop strongly encouraged. Reply here.

EXHAUSTED, SINGLE, AND 30. Nice queer Jewish girl looking for a nice queer Jewish girl to live through this forever pandemic with. Comes with dying plants, a love of true crime, documentaries, road trips, and parents who are desperate for a wedding and grandchildren. Near spooky scary Salem, MA. Reply here.

NJB IN MINNEAPOLIS (26) seeks a local Jewish gal to enjoy Shabbat dinners, rooftop breweries, and lake life. Let’s peruse the aisles of Costco together and talk about scuba diving. If you’re a fan of cabin snuggles and making sushi, we may just be beshert. Hoping to make my mother proud! Reply here.

WRITE WITH ME. West Coast lefty, queer, Mexican, femme, and budding Jewish calligrapher seeking a chevruta to beautify the letters, share notes on a balanced reish, and practice writing lefty one-liners (tzedek, tzedek tirdof; na’aseh v’nishma). I use she/her pronouns, live in Seattle, and go to bed early. Let’s write together! Reply here.

27-YEAR-OLD QUEER LADY CAPRICORN dipping my toes back into the NYC dating life with the vaccine on the horizon. I love the beach and I miss going dancing. Down for distance dates, flirty texting & maybe more. All genders, no assholes. Reply here.

NEW CONVERT LOOKING FOR LOVE. 23 years old nonbinary/transmasc (he/they), bisexual, Philly-based, Reconstructionist convert. Seeking fun, passionate person that loves poetry and television and movies. Message me what your fave Jewish holiday is and fave Jewish TV character. 20+ only please. Reply here.

28-YEAR-OLD JEWESS FROM TORONTO looking for my NJB. JSwipe just isn’t cutting it for me these days. I bake a mean challah and am great with Bubbies and Zaidies. You’ll really want to take me home to meet them. Willing to relocate. Reply here.

YOU AND ME ON THE COUCH, cats curled up nearby. My head is on your lap, you stroking my hair while you read me your favourite words about liberation. Tell me what those would be. Me: 32, queer femme, double fire sign, based in Belgium. Looking for 27+, no cis men pls. Reply here.

SEEKING JEWISH CONTINUITY (AKA SPERM PLEASE). Jewish postdoc researcher in CA wants a baby, and no further obligation from you. It’s a mitzvah, let’s make a v cute, future doctor. Nerds to the front, please, and especially interested in Mizrahi donors. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted March 4, 2021:

AMERICAN LOST IN TEL AVIV. 25-year-old female looking for a curly haired boy with a goofy sense of humor to go on long camping trips and start a stardew valley co-op farm with. Let’s fight about the correct way to make latkes. Based in TLV but moving to the DC area soon so open to any. Reply here.

GOING POSTAL & LOOKING FOR PEN PALS. Typewriter and vintage stamp-loving Chicago millennial (she/her) is seeking pen pals from anywhere and everywhere. Global and stateside welcome. Interests include: theatre, baking, Jewish king Jack Antonoff’s impact on pop music, and Stanley Tucci’s new Italy show. Reply here.

STRAIGHT CREATIVE-TYPE DORKY MALE SEEKING BESHERT. Me: Writer and software guy (32) looking for a challah-baking better half (the better shouldn’t be hard) in/around PA to accompany me on adventures (read: netflix and cheese). Must like energetic Pomeranians and a good kvetch. Reply here.

LOOKING TO HAVE A BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON YOU. Me: nice Jewish girl. You: nice Jewish doctor/lawyer/pharm girl or similar. Let’s binge watch Schitt’s Creek, take our shelter dogs to the brewery, and bake hamantaschen with Bubbe. Near ATL. Reply here.

20-YEAR-OLD MODERN ORTHODOX GIRL in New York City looking for my bochur to go on long Shabbos walks with and explore all the kosher restaurants in New York City. I need the beshert of my dreams so the ladies at shul stop asking to set me up with their grandsons. Reply here.

QUEER JEWISH FEMME STONER (26) seeks affectionate anti-capitalist living near D.C. Me: consent educator from CA. Likes cooking, music, dancing, nature, and reality tv. Ready to shower you w/ affirmations & memes. ISO: witty, tender, monog cutie, down for communication, cuddles, and collective liberation. Reply here.

LATE TWENTIES WRITER IN ZURICH, SWITZERLAND SEEKING FRIENDSHIP. Looking for another Jewish woman to go on hikes, have coffee outside, talk art, Judaism, books, and writing. Reply here.

SOON-TO-BE 30-YEAR-OLD STUDENT RABBI looking for his future rebbetzer. British-educated American-Israeli citizen with a playful streak, looking for like-minded. Interest in politics, literature, art, and food a plus. Brooklyn-based — let’s grab a drink, share a laugh, and heal the world. Reply here.

OFF THE DERECH & STILL HAVEN’T FOUND WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR. Separated from our tradition in my teens, looking to explore it again in my late 20s. Seeking someone to relearn and reclaim our texts with, through virtual chevruta. Expect lefty politics, irreverent jokes about rabbis, and rusty Aramaic. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted Feb 25, 2021:

GAY MIDWEST SNACK SEEKS SAME. You: caring, courageous, gay. Me: 29/queer/Reform/Chicago/cis male, here for lakeshore strolls, working the polls, abolitionist goals. Thinks most things would be better with a Google doc but not pushy about it. Open to friends, dates, and even shtetling down someday. Reply here.

LOOKING FOR THE STEVEN SPIELBERG TO MY KATE CAPSHAW, except if Kate Capshaw were 22, from SoCal, and was adopted from China by her Jewish mother and secular father. I may be Ch-ewish, but that isn’t stopping me for looking for a mensch. Let’s use the Netflix party feature until theaters open again. Reply here.

GENDERQUEER ASHKENAZI TATTOOER PUNK seeks like-minded pals for zine swaps and kvetches! Are you into human rights, bagel breakfast sandwiches, and art projects? Let’s be friends! Trans Jews to the front! Reply here.

SINGLE, 30-SOMETHING MALE IN LONDON, UK, seeks pandemic pen-pal, eventual best friend, partner in crime, and soulmate for a combination of curiosity-sating adventures and comfy, silly nights in. Looking for the Pond/Shellstrop/Santiago/Ludgate/Knope to my respective Rory/Chidi/Jake/Andy/Ben. Reply here.

MODERN ORTHODOX & UNCOMMON ABOUT IT. 31 y/o Philly woman, hardworking but also loves rambunctious Shabbos dinners, rotund animals, singing, nature walks, and stellar coffee. Seeks curious, confident man 4 enduring love. Be into your Judaism and bring banter game that would wow the authors of the Talmud.  Reply here.

LOOKING FOR MY SHAH. 25 y/o straight gal. Located in Ontario, Canada. Oldest daughter in a Persian family (’nuff said). Looking for a NJB to call my partner in crime. Note: You will be fed well. Reply here.

THIRTY-SOMETHING MARRIED LADY IN THE MIDWEST currently trying to get pregnant with her first Nice Jewish Baby, looking to connect with someone in the same boat. Bonus points if you like reading, dogs, and/or The Real Housewives. Reply here.

BISEXUAL L.A.-BASED LEFTIST (23, cis man) looking for a queer 20-something romantic partner who shares my fervent obsession with pop culture, TikTok, and the alt stand-up comedy scene. Tell me your top four movies and TV shows and I’ll write back if it seems like a good match 🙂 Reply here.

LITERAL GAY DIVORCÉ. French, suitably cute, and neurotic. Looking for kindly sarcastic partner to queer-havruta our way through mid-life crisis and world pandemic, in such order. Already daydreaming about our long-term long-distance textual relationship. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted Feb 18, 2021:

HUMBLE ARTIST WITH BIG DREAMS. Baltimore 31yo straight guy. Wishing for love and cuddles but there’s a pandemic. I love amateur singing, cooking, fantasy stories, animation, movies, cats. Would like to talk with you and say hi. Bernie Sanders in the streets / Leonard Cohen in the sheets. Reply here.

PUPPIES & PUZZLES. That’s my love language. I’m an 84 years young mainline Jew (outside of Philly). Looking for a companion to speak on the phone with about classical music, grandchildren, and golden retrievers. Reply here.

JEWISH FARMER IN NC (38, cis woman) looking for a magical, silly, feminist, confident, nerdy man to fall in love with. Open to long distance until you can move to NC and we can drink coffee in bed, listen to D&D podcasts, play in the woods, and spend Shabbat singing with our rad Jewish community. Reply here.

POST-SOVIET JEWESS FROM BROOKLYN LOOKING FOR MULTILINGUAL LOVE. Russian heritage speaker noncommittally learning Yiddish + Hebrew. Really into TV and laughing at antisemitism to cope. Seeking early to mid-20s boyfriend in the NYC/Hudson Valley area. Reply here.

HAPA JEWISH COLLEGE STUDENT currently on Oahu looking for any Jews who grew up in Hawaii. Interested in talking and sharing experiences. Reply here.

LONDONER LOOKING FOR LOVE (28) Gay cis-man looking for someone to support me on my journey to embracing my Jewish curls, buy me biscuits and learn Queer Torah together. Be the David to my Jonathan (but with a happy ending). Reply here.

LESBIAN JEW LOOKING FOR LOVE IN THIS LONELY WORLD. Violinist & hopeless romantic. Write me a love letter with your favourite Jewish quote and I’ll write you back. Montreal, 18-22 only. Reply here.

YOUNG, NEUROTIC, MILLENNIAL in the process of converting seeks friend to connect with over Judaism as well as reading, crafting, being neurodivergent, or really anything. Hoping for a modern day pen pal. With love from your future friend 🙂 Reply here.

HUGE NERD SEEKS SAME IN NYC: 27 year old lesbian looking for someone to take long walks with and go on deep dives into what we’re reading and the world. Tell me the random thoughts on your mind and I’ll bake you sourdough challah. Let’s escape the city and our isolation in my car and explore the wild. I got all my (moderna) shots. Reply here.