Alma Classifieds

Feeling lonely? You’re not alone. Even before a pandemic made socializing a risk to your health, it’s never been easy to find *your* people. But we want to help. One of the joys of watching the Alma community expand is seeing our readers connect with each other, whether it’s flirting in the comments of our Instagram page or finding a fellow Jew in a small town to reach out to. Now, we’re taking our matchmaking to the next level with the launch of Alma Classifieds, an old-school way to make new connections. Whether you’re in the market for a romantic partner, friends, or just someone with a dog you can pet, we’re here to help you find what you’re looking for.

How to submit:

In your classified, please tell us who you are and what you’re looking for (but keep it anonymous, i.e. no names!). Are you looking for love? Friendship? A pen pal? Classifieds often include your hobbies or fun facts, but include whatever feels right and authentic to you. If you’re looking for an in-person connection, please include your location (as general or specific as you want!), or if you’re looking for a virtual or long-distance thing, you can note that as well. Give a sense of your age (doesn’t have to be exact if you don’t want it to be) and keep your text to 300 characters or less. Need some inspiration? Check out these examples from some of our favorite fictional Jews.

We can’t wait to read yours!

Please note that not all classifieds will be listed. We’re a small team, and we only have limited matchmaking capacity, but we’re trying our very best to help you find love/friendship/a dog. Xoxo, Team Alma. 

Submit a classified here: 

https://forms.gle/gXiG2dZdCo7Pt3Hn6

Reply to a classified posted March 4, 2021:

AMERICAN LOST IN TEL AVIV. 25-year-old female looking for a curly haired boy with a goofy sense of humor to go on long camping trips and start a stardew valley co-op farm with. Let’s fight about the correct way to make latkes. Based in TLV but moving to the DC area soon so open to any. Reply here.

GOING POSTAL & LOOKING FOR PEN PALS. Typewriter and vintage stamp-loving Chicago millennial (she/her) is seeking pen pals from anywhere and everywhere. Global and stateside welcome. Interests include: theatre, baking, Jewish king Jack Antonoff’s impact on pop music, and Stanley Tucci’s new Italy show. Reply here.

STRAIGHT CREATIVE-TYPE DORKY MALE SEEKING BESHERT. Me: Writer and software guy (32) looking for a challah-baking better half (the better shouldn’t be hard) in/around PA to accompany me on adventures (read: netflix and cheese). Must like energetic Pomeranians and a good kvetch. Reply here.

LOOKING TO HAVE A BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON YOU. Me: nice Jewish girl. You: nice Jewish doctor/lawyer/pharm girl or similar. Let’s binge watch Schitt’s Creek, take our shelter dogs to the brewery, and bake hamantaschen with Bubbe. Near ATL. Reply here.

20-YEAR-OLD MODERN ORTHODOX GIRL in New York City looking for my bochur to go on long Shabbos walks with and explore all the kosher restaurants in New York City. I need the beshert of my dreams so the ladies at shul stop asking to set me up with their grandsons. Reply here.

QUEER JEWISH FEMME STONER (26) seeks affectionate anti-capitalist living near D.C. Me: consent educator from CA. Likes cooking, music, dancing, nature, and reality tv. Ready to shower you w/ affirmations & memes. ISO: witty, tender, monog cutie, down for communication, cuddles, and collective liberation. Reply here.

LATE TWENTIES WRITER IN ZURICH, SWITZERLAND SEEKING FRIENDSHIP. Looking for another Jewish woman to go on hikes, have coffee outside, talk art, Judaism, books, and writing. Reply here.

SOON-TO-BE 30-YEAR-OLD STUDENT RABBI looking for his future rebbetzer. British-educated American-Israeli citizen with a playful streak, looking for like-minded. Interest in politics, literature, art, and food a plus. Brooklyn-based — let’s grab a drink, share a laugh, and heal the word. Reply here.

OFF THE DERECH & STILL HAVEN’T FOUND WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR. Separated from our tradition in my teens, looking to explore it again in my late 20s. Seeking someone to relearn and reclaim our texts with, through virtual chevruta. Expect lefty politics, irreverent jokes about rabbis, and rusty Aramaic. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted Feb 25, 2021:

GAY MIDWEST SNACK SEEKS SAME. You: caring, courageous, gay. Me: 29/queer/Reform/Chicago/cis male, here for lakeshore strolls, working the polls, abolitionist goals. Thinks most things would be better with a Google doc but not pushy about it. Open to friends, dates, and even shtetling down someday. Reply here.

LOOKING FOR THE STEVEN SPIELBERG TO MY KATE CAPSHAW, except if Kate Capshaw were 22, from SoCal, and was adopted from China by her Jewish mother and secular father. I may be Ch-ewish, but that isn’t stopping me for looking for a mensch. Let’s use the Netflix party feature until theaters open again. Reply here.

GENDERQUEER ASHKENAZI TATTOOER PUNK seeks like-minded pals for zine swaps and kvetches! Are you into human rights, bagel breakfast sandwiches, and art projects? Let’s be friends! Trans Jews to the front! Reply here.

SINGLE, 30-SOMETHING MALE IN LONDON, UK, seeks pandemic pen-pal, eventual best friend, partner in crime, and soulmate for a combination of curiosity-sating adventures and comfy, silly nights in. Looking for the Pond/Shellstrop/Santiago/Ludgate/Knope to my respective Rory/Chidi/Jake/Andy/Ben. Reply here.

MODERN ORTHODOX & UNCOMMON ABOUT IT. 31 y/o Philly woman, hardworking but also loves rambunctious Shabbos dinners, rotund animals, singing, nature walks, and stellar coffee. Seeks curious, confident man 4 enduring love. Be into your Judaism and bring banter game that would wow the authors of the Talmud.  Reply here.

LOOKING FOR MY SHAH. 25 y/o straight gal. Located in Ontario, Canada. Oldest daughter in a Persian family (’nuff said). Looking for a NJB to call my partner in crime. Note: You will be fed well. Reply here.

THIRTY-SOMETHING MARRIED LADY IN THE MIDWEST currently trying to get pregnant with her first Nice Jewish Baby, looking to connect with someone in the same boat. Bonus points if you like reading, dogs, and/or The Real Housewives. Reply here.

BISEXUAL L.A.-BASED LEFTIST (23, cis man) looking for a queer 20-something romantic partner who shares my fervent obsession with pop culture, TikTok, and the alt stand-up comedy scene. Tell me your top four movies and TV shows and I’ll write back if it seems like a good match 🙂 Reply here.

LITERAL GAY DIVORCÉ. French, suitably cute, and neurotic. Looking for kindly sarcastic partner to queer-havruta our way through mid-life crisis and world pandemic, in such order. Already daydreaming about our long-term long-distance textual relationship. Reply here.

Reply to a classified posted Feb 18, 2021:

HUMBLE ARTIST WITH BIG DREAMS. Baltimore 31yo straight guy. Wishing for love and cuddles but there’s a pandemic. I love amateur singing, cooking, fantasy stories, animation, movies, cats. Would like to talk with you and say hi. Bernie Sanders in the streets / Leonard Cohen in the sheets. Reply here.

PUPPIES & PUZZLES. That’s my love language. I’m an 84 years young mainline Jew (outside of Philly). Looking for a companion to speak on the phone with about classical music, grandchildren, and golden retrievers. Reply here.

JEWISH FARMER IN NC (38, cis woman) looking for a magical, silly, feminist, confident, nerdy man to fall in love with. Open to long distance until you can move to NC and we can drink coffee in bed, listen to D&D podcasts, play in the woods, and spend Shabbat singing with our rad Jewish community. Reply here.

POST-SOVIET JEWESS FROM BROOKLYN LOOKING FOR MULTILINGUAL LOVE. Russian heritage speaker noncommittally learning Yiddish + Hebrew. Really into TV and laughing at antisemitism to cope. Seeking early to mid-20s boyfriend in the NYC/Hudson Valley area. Reply here.

HAPA JEWISH COLLEGE STUDENT currently on Oahu looking for any Jews who grew up in Hawaii. Interested in talking and sharing experiences. Reply here.

LONDONER LOOKING FOR LOVE (28) Gay cis-man looking for someone to support me on my journey to embracing my Jewish curls, buy me biscuits and learn Queer Torah together. Be the David to my Jonathan (but with a happy ending). Reply here.

LESBIAN JEW LOOKING FOR LOVE IN THIS LONELY WORLD. Violinist & hopeless romantic. Write me a love letter with your favourite Jewish quote and I’ll write you back. Montreal, 18-22 only. Reply here.

YOUNG, NEUROTIC, MILLENNIAL in the process of converting seeks friend to connect with over Judaism as well as reading, crafting, being neurodivergent, or really anything. Hoping for a modern day pen pal. With love from your future friend 🙂 Reply here.

HUGE NERD SEEKS SAME IN NYC: 27 year old lesbian looking for someone to take long walks with and go on deep dives into what we’re reading and the world. Tell me the random thoughts on your mind and I’ll bake you sourdough challah. Let’s escape the city and our isolation in my car and explore the wild. I got all my (moderna) shots. Reply here.