Hello and welcome back to Hey Alma’s advice column on all things Jewish life. Read on for advice from our resident deputy editor/bossy Capricorn Jew, and submit your own dilemmas anonymously here.
Hey, Hey Alma,
I don’t know how to celebrate Yom Kippur at home alone. I can’t afford to go to synagogue right now but I want to keep the tradition alive.
— Atoning Alone?
Hello, friend.
I want to say this right up top: I do not know of a single synagogue that will turn away a Jew who shows up on Yom Kippur and wants to pray, to atone, to be in community.
It’s possible, I suppose, that a very fancy one in the biggest city might. But in those cases there are always other options, and truly, the big fancy ones might be welcoming, too. It’s also possible that in this current moment when so many synagogues are requiring more formal sign-ups (not just for ticket purchases but because of stricter security), it could be useful to call in advance and ask about showing up rather than just appearing at the building before Kol Nidre service. But my point remains: If you want to attend synagogue on the High Holidays, you are welcome to. There is a place for you. You will not be turned away.
Now, I understand that even though I’m assuring you that you don’t need to contribute financially to attend synagogue, you may feel uncomfortable going if you’re unable to give financially. Wanting to give back to our Jewish communities is a good thing — but money isn’t the only way to do so. You can ask the rabbi if they need help with registration or Kiddush set-up, or if you can help fill the prayer books with copies of the sermon. There also may be a more community-oriented task force that needs volunteers, which would be a way to give back and also allow you to build stronger community ties — the very opposite of being alone!
If you’ve decided that you’re going to be home alone for Yom Kippur, or if you’d actually prefer that but still want to partake in tradition, might I suggest online services? Almost every single synagogue offers online options these days, and they can be very meaningful. My Jewish Learning has a whole page dedicated to Yom Kippur streaming services in time zones all across the United States, and even a few international options!
For some of us, synagogue and prayer make us feel most connected to our Judaism. But for others of us, social connection with other Jews is what makes us feel most connected. Can you gather a small group of friends and do something meaningful on Yom Kippur together, even if it doesn’t involve attending synagogue? It’s possible some of your friends are feeling the same way you are, and you could alleviate your feelings of being alone by simply being together.
Finally, if you find yourself home alone on Yom Kippur and don’t want to attend services, stream services or spend time with friends, you can always still mark the occasion on your own in a meaningful way. If you plan to fast, have a nice meal beforehand and plan to break your fast on something that feels intentional and delicious. Dress seasonally. Check out these art-based High Holiday rituals or explore Hey Alma’s Days of Awe Journal. Watch some High Holiday-themed movies or episodes of TV. Write a letter to someone you love, or send a holiday card to someone you think might also be feeling lonely. Invite the new season into your life.
Wanting to keep tradition alive is a beautiful thing — and the best part is, there are so many special ways to do it, even if this year you’re by yourself.
G’mar Chatima Tovah.
