Hello and welcome back to Hey Alma’s advice column on all things Jewish life. Read on for advice from our resident deputy managing editor/bossy Capricorn Jew, and submit your own dilemmas anonymously here.
Hey, Hey Alma,
A non-Jewish coworker said to me and a Jewish coworker: “Jews marry other Jews to keep the money in the family.” Should I have reported this to my supervisor? It seems overtly antisemitic and very offensive, but I am nervous to report it.
— Ruminating About a Report
Dear Ruminating,
Yikes. Yes, that is extremely antisemitic and incredibly inappropriate to say in a work environment! Frankly, it’s concerning that your coworker thinks this, let alone thinks it’s OK to say out loud, but unfortunately I think helping others to unlearn antisemitic beliefs is beyond the scope of your responsibility here, so let’s focus on what you can do to protect yourself and make your work environment as safe and comfortable as possible for you and your coworkers.
You should absolutely report this to your supervisor. You say “Should I have reported this” as if the moment has passed, and I am here to say the moment has not passed, because this remains an issue. Yes, it would have been ideal to report right away, but even if this happened three months ago, it’s still relevant to report today.
Reporting this to your supervisor serves several purposes. Your coworker will hear, from their manager, that this behavior is unacceptable. Hopefully this will be enough to make them keep their bigoted thoughts to themself, at least on company time. You will have a paper trail if this colleague continues to make bigoted remarks; it’s very helpful to be able to categorize something as a pattern (and for your manager to address the issue accordingly) if there’s proof that this is not just a one-time error of judgment. And finally, you should not have to shoulder this burden alone. You deserve to feel safe and respected in your workplace, and your supervisor is responsible for creating an environment where all workers feel that way. By reporting the incident, you give your supervisor a chance to do their job in creating a safer work space for everyone.
That said, I completely understand why you feel nervous about reporting this. Work politics can often feel extremely fraught, and depending on the size of your company and the trust (or lack thereof) you have in your management team, it can often feel easier to fly under the radar. If your coworker said this only within earshot of you and your fellow Jewish coworker, you may worry that they will retaliate when they realize one of you reported their comment. That’s a completely fair concern, and I encourage you to share this concern with your supervisor. Ideally they will have some training in conflict management and deescalation techniques, and will know how to best address this with your coworker without throwing you under the bus.
I also really want to emphasize that this is not your fault. Even though making a complaint at work can sometimes feel risky, or like we are creating a problem, it’s important to remember that actually, this is your coworker’s fault. They created the problem as soon as they made an overtly antisemitic comment to two Jewish people! I’m hopeful that your supervisor will recognize this.
If the nerves are still weighing heavily on you, think about the alternative. What if you don’t tell your manager this happened? Will you be able to continue working with your coworker knowing they have not received any feedback that what they said is entirely inappropriate? Will you always be waiting for the next antisemitic comment? Will your work suffer? Will you be anxious if you’re paired with them to complete a work task? In general, I don’t think every petty grievance with a coworker needs to be brought to management; there’s a lot of space where we as workers can and should just sort of let things go, or try our best to get along with our coworkers without involving supervisors, especially when they are lateral peers (as opposed to someone with power over you). But this is not a petty grievance; antisemitism is unacceptable in the workplace, just like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. are unacceptable in the workplace. You are well within your rights to report this.
With that in mind, I’ll conclude with a final question for you: If this coworker had made a racist, sexist or homophobic comment — one that didn’t directly impact you and your religion — would you have an easier time reporting it? I bring this up because sometimes it feels easier to rally against injustices for other people, and harder to stand up for ourselves. I empathize with that, but if you’re still on the fence about making this report to your supervisor, I’d urge you to consider what you would do if this coworker said something that was harmful and bigoted about another coworker’s religion, race or sexual orientation. I’m willing to bet you’d stand up for the harmed party and let your supervisor know what happened so your coworker would have to face some consequences. If it’s hard to think about standing up for yourself in the same way, consider this standing up for all your Jewish coworkers who will be at this company in the future. By reporting an antisemitic comment you are setting a standard that antisemitism is unacceptable in your workplace. You’re not just helping yourself — you’re making your company safer for all Jews.
Anything related to work can be stressful, and your nerves are justified. But you know what you need to do. Wishing you luck that your supervisor takes you seriously and that this coworker learns from this mistake; I’m hoping they can start keeping their mouth shut on company time, and ideally do some unlearning of their antisemitic viewpoints on their own time.
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