Here at Hey Alma, we love a good Jewish pop culture roundtable. It’s our duty, as a feminist Jewish culture site and online community, to convene and share all our feelings when a new movie or TV show representing Our People comes out! So when “Nobody Wants This,” a brand new series about a hot rabbi (Adam Brody) who falls in love with a non-Jewish sex and relationship podcaster (Kristen Bell) hit Netflix last week, we knew what we had to do.
After all watching it separately, six members of the team at Hey Alma and our partner site Kveller convened to have an intense discussion about the series over Slack. This included: Molly Tolsky, editor of Hey Alma and Kveller; Vanessa Friedman, deputy managing editor of Hey Alma; Evelyn Frick, associate editor of Hey Alma; Avital Dayanim, audience engagement editor and graphic designer of Hey Alma; Lior Zaltzman, deputy managing editor of Kveller; and Daci Platt, audience engagement editor of Kveller.
The first half of our conversation is published here; to read the rest, click over to Kveller!
This conversation has been lightly edited and condensed.
Vanessa: Did you like watching this show?
Avital: I liked looking at Adam Brody.
Lior: I did not like it at the beginning but it grew on me.
Molly: I did not hate watching this show.
Avital: It made me feel uncomfy in ways I did not expect. But also some that I did.
Vanessa: I loved it and also did not like it.
Daci: I was about to say basically the same thing, Vanessa. I laughed out loud so many times.
Molly: Maybe it felt like a guilty pleasure? Like “I know this is problematic in many ways but also I’m enjoying it and Adam Brody is in it.”
Evelyn: I mostly enjoyed the show! It’s definitely uncomfortable at moments when Jewish characters act in ways that I don’t approve of but that’s not necessarily the fault of the show.
Vanessa: That’s real, Evelyn. I think I had problems with some of the actual plot points? Or like perhaps the entire premise? But I mean, listen. Adam Brody is hot. It’s fun to watch Seth Cohen grow up into a rabbi.
Lior: Some of the parts I enjoyed the most were strangely the parts that didn’t have Adam Brody in them.
Vanessa: Does everyone want to share one part of the show they really enjoyed?
Evelyn: Adam Brody is so charming.
Molly: I thought he and Kristen Bell had some genuine chemistry.
Evelyn: Yes, they had great great chemistry. Timothy Simons as Sasha was an absolute scene-stealer, too.
Lior: I loved Sasha and Esther and their relationship with Miriam. Timothy maybe made me laugh the most.
Evelyn: I found his relationship with his family to be so sweet and silly.
Avital: I kind of hated Sasha?
Daci: No Avital! As a “Veep” fan, I was all in on Timothy Simons.
Lior: What did you hate about Sasha?
Daci: I didn’t love the catfishing part!!
Avital: I’m sorry!! Yes I felt weird about that too.
Evelyn: The catfishing part was weird but so funny. It’s a comedy; comedy moments are elevated. I think as the viewer part of the hilarity is just like of course that’s wrong.
Lior: Actually I did laugh out loud at the catfishing part.
Vanessa: Let’s move away from Sasha for a moment and focus on Mr. Brody as The Hot Rabbi. Was he believable as a rabbi?
Evelyn: His sermon at the Shabbat service was uninspired but he was definitely believable.
Vanessa: To be fair I’ve seen many an uninspired sermon from a rabbi.
Evelyn: Oh, who amongst us hasn’t?
Avital: He did pronounce Lashon Hara like “Lashon HORA” but other than that I was sold. I loved the little impromptu Shabbat dinner moment.
Vanessa: I felt he was very loving, very understanding and lightly neurotic which did say “rabbi” to me. I didn’t love how ashamed he was of dating a non-Jewish person and that sort of seemed unrealistic to me but I wonder if that’s because of the Jewish circles I find myself in, and maybe it’s actually very believable?
Lior: It was nice seeing him speak Hebrew… I did feel him as the over-enthused rabbi who maybe doesn’t always get everyone super inspired but is genuine.
Molly: The scene when he was revealed to be the rabbi at the dinner party while smoking a cigarette was so funny to me. I do think this show really played up the thinking that all rabbis are very prim, proper people. I think that real life rabbis have a lot more range than their representation gives them credit for. So sure, yes, he could be a rabbi.
Evelyn: I think Rabbi Shira is an exception to your point though, Molly. I was obsessed with Rabbi Shira.
Lior: Yeah, agree, rabbis are complex. Would watch a show about Rabbi Shira.
Daci: Are all rabbis so in touch with their emotions and honest in relationships?
Lior: I don’t think they are but we only had a pool of three and only two seemed to be, so.
Vanessa: Is it believable that a rabbi would fall in love with a non-Jewish woman and that it would be a Huge Problem in his life?
Molly: Well, I will say that I personally don’t know any rabbis who are married to non-Jews. I don’t know that many rabbis, but still.
Evelyn: It’s interesting because I watched this show being like, what do you mean a rabbi can’t date a non-Jew! Your worlds aren’t that different! And I know that Conservative and Orthodox rabbis aren’t allowed or are heavily discouraged. But I actually do think the amount of pressure Adam Brody gets from his family and community is accurate.
Avital: We’re assuming he was a Reform rabbi, correct?
Vanessa: I thought Conservative.
Avital: Oh he screamed Reform to me.
Evelyn: I thought Conservative as well.
Molly: I had a lot of questions about his/his family’s level of observance and what denomination his synagogue is.
Daci: He felt Reform but the people around him did NOT seem Reform.
Evelyn: I grew up Reform and it could’ve gone either Reform or Conservative to me.
Lior: It was hard to tell if he was Reform or Conservative because certain things were coded progressive Conservative congregation and other things felt coded Reform but also I’m Israeli and grew up around neither denomination.
Molly: I’m not sure the show thought about what denomination he is as much as we are thinking about it now.
Evelyn: True, Molly.
Vanessa: Do we feel the writers of this show got the representation of Judaism right?
Lior: There were definitely moments of Jewish nitty-grittyness that were missed.
Daci: I will say that having thought it was Reform (which I grew up with/am) and now hearing you all thought they were Conservative makes me feel differently about my thoughts, which were mainly: “Do people actually ACT like this?” Because I’ve never met anyone who acts like this. But maybe this wasn’t my specific community represented.
Molly: Yeah, I found myself thinking, “Are there really Jewish families like this who are so scandalized by interfaith relationships and so plainly rude to non-Jewish people?” because that’s not been my experience in my family or community.
Evelyn: Perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I think they got it right. It may be uncomfortable to watch but some (not all) Jewish communities treat non-Jewish women marrying into the community like this. It happened to my partner Sophie’s mom. Granted that was in the ’90s, but I also know of Jewish families who have treated non-Jewish partners badly as of… last year.
Avital: It is happening still, I can confirm.
Vanessa: I could definitely see some of the behavior in the show happening today… maybe not so overtly, but definitely behind closed doors.
Evelyn: Also if this happened to the creator Erin Foster, it would’ve happened relatively recently.
Avital: I feel like the outward cattiness towards non-Jews was not realistic.
Evelyn: The cattiness felt real to me…
Daci: It is so interesting to me that this behavior feels familiar to you all! I hate that! For everyone!
Lior: Yeah, they were so brutal. Also the fact that a non-Jewish person entering a synagogue is such a novelty felt strange to me.
Vanessa: I felt it wasn’t that it was a non-Jew entering the synagogue so much as it was specifically JOANNE.
Molly: A blonde!!!! Gasp!!!!
Evelyn: I think Joanne in the synagogue also points to how Jews ourselves often think we can tell who is Jewish based on what they look like. Even though we can’t! And we shouldn’t. They didn’t know her yet!
Vanessa: I will say from a writing perspective, I think the show got some parts of its plot mixed up. A man dating a new hot person relatively soon after a breakup and bringing her around his family/friends who loved his ex and are still friends with her is like a fairly normal faux pas. But because the plot was “THE NEW GIRL IS NOT JEWISH” everything revolved around that, and it made some things not really make sense.
Evelyn: I totally agree, Vanessa.
Vanessa: I think it was normal for Rebecca’s best friend (Esther) to hate Rebecca’s ex’s new date (not nice but pretty normal) — but tying it up in the Judaism storyline made some of it feel contrived.
Lior: Yes, I felt that a lot. I like Rebecca and the kind of mythological ex quality ascribed to her, and I like the way Joanne reacted to that — it was relatable.
Evelyn: Totally. And I did really love Esther. She’s a headstrong bitch and I love that for her, even if I didn’t love the way she acted towards Joanne. I can’t say I wouldn’t act that way towards the ex of a friend of mine too, minus the shaming of dating a non-Jewish person.
Daci: I went back and forth on Esther! At first I disliked her but then I loved her. I couldn’t figure out whether I was supposed to root for her or not.
Lior: Noah’s family had a vision of the future for Noah that they’re having a hard time letting go of, and they all still like Rebecca — she’s not made out to be a crazy and unattractive Jewish ex, which I like. That’s my least favorite Jewish stereotypical trope.
Vanessa: OK but it IS crazy that she went through Noah’s stuff and got the ring.
Molly: Absolutely insane.
Evelyn: The searching for the engagement ring was tough, but I do still like Rebecca.
Vanessa: They introduce her as absolutely insane, and then make her very likable.
Molly: The engagement ring thing doesn’t feel in character with the person she’s actually portrayed to be later on.
Avital: The ring plot line was just ridiculous, as was the secret pork-eating plot line.
Lior: OMG THE SECRET PORK-EATING PLOT.
Evelyn: The secretly eating pork plotline felt like another elevated comedy moment to me.
Vanessa: Evelyn, do we not understand comedy? Or is it hard to watch elevated comedy about your religion because it feels personal/not funny?
Evelyn: The latter, Vanessa. Also a lot of the feelings I’m coming to are after having really long conversations with my partner!
Avital: I was hoping to see how the relationship between Joanne and Bina would play out without a sort of stunt like that. I just wanted a real shift to be the result of something more legitimate.
Molly: It was just not believable to me. She would wait until everybody left to eat the pork out of the trash.
Daci: Yes Molly — that kitchen was literally open to the dining room! That’s not where you eat secret pork!
Lior: That house is huge, plenty of hiding places for secret pork eating.
Evelyn: I think my problem with it is like — we know the overbearing Jewish mom stereotype exists. Could you make the dad that way too so it’s not just the mom?
Lior: Yes, I wanted something redeeming about Bina because the terrible meddling Jewish mom trope is exhausting.
Molly: Ugh yes, would kill for an overbearing Jewish dad.
Lior: Yes, make Ilan the asshole, instead of the cute guy in the schvitz.
Molly: What did we think of Tovah Feldshuh’s accent?
Avital: I felt like it made her more “classic super villain” in a way that I did not like.
Lior: We should talk about Esther after Bina. I loved Esther. I love Jackie Tohn. I thought she was kind of a badass, fiercely protective of her friends. She loves both Sasha and Miriam, and the conversation they have at the end is super cute.
Molly: Esther was growing on me but then at the end seemed to just ping pong back to being like, “Let’s destroy these gentile whores.”
Avital: I personally didn’t love how it felt like the non-Jewish women represented “having fun, letting loose, being cool and chill” and the Jewish women were the ones who were overly traditional and needed help “chilling out.”
Daci: Yes, Avital! And for me, it didn’t feel familiar either.
Molly: Exactly, Avital. That was made super clear to me during the bat mitzvah scene. They are the life of the party! They are so hot! They know how to have a fun time! The Jews are in awe!
Avital: The vibe was, screw all of these boring bat mitzvah guests! The gentiles are bringing the real party!
Lior: Even in the basketball game, they brought the wine and stuff.
Daci: I also think these people think about Jewish versus non-Jewish women way more than I ever have.
Molly: I think with the exception of Rabbi Shira, the Jewish women are portrayed as pretty awful in this show.
Evelyn: The representation of Jewish women in the show made me uncomfortable, but I think it’s because I’m sensitive to how Jewish women are portrayed because I’m a Jewish woman. The non-Jewish women also have their own problems. And all women in the show are hurt by the term “shiksa” because it’s an insult and it boxes non-Jewish women in as being party-girls and Jewish women as being prudes.
Vanessa: I would say the framework the show offered on How To Be A Woman was the real problem.
Daci: With Joanne and Morgan barging into the bat mitzvah at the end maybe… all of the women were portrayed as awful?
Avital: But I thought we were supposed to cheer them on then.
Molly: Well Joanne was invited. And yes, I do think we are meant to be rooting for them because we are meant to be rooting for Joanne and Noah to work out, as per rom-com standards.
Daci: But just the way she made herself the center of attention — that felt universally annoying.
Evelyn: Agreed, Daci.
Avital: And inappropriate.
Daci: I was NOT cheering them on, but maybe that’s because I’m a boring Jewish woman.
Lior: I think to go a tad deeper, this is how Jewish women have been portrayed throughout history — overbearing, intense, not fun, unattractive, too much. I think the non-Jewish women also have similar qualities in the show, but it is painful to see this stereotype again and again in a show with such an old trope.
Everyone: Agreed.
Evelyn: I think the Jewish men [in the show] uphold the stereotype that Jewish women aren’t fun, too.
Molly: Yeah, it’s not good.
Evelyn: One of Noah’s friends is like, “We don’t marry fun.”
Molly: “Shiksas are for practice!” Couldn’t believe I was hearing that in 2024.
