2020 has been an almost total wash, but at least there’s Hanukkah? This year, it starts on the evening of December 10, which means it’s time to get gifting. Luckily, we have you covered. For every person in your life, there’s a perfect piece of Jewish kitsch on the internet.
For your parents
Yiddish Coasters (Etsy, $19.50)
Are your parents always saying “how many times do I have to tell you not to put your drink straight on that wooden table”?? Now the coasters can say it for them, in the Jew-iest way possible!
Shalom Mug (Etsy, $23.37)
Nobody can ever have enough mugs, and this one is such a great way to start the day. Friendly, peaceful, and delightfully chic.
The Lost Shtetl (Bookshop, $25.75)
For the parent who loves Michael Chabon. They’ll be able to tell all their friends that they discovered the newest author of great modern Jewish folktales, Max Gross.
For your siblings
Personalized Hebrew Bracelet (Etsy, $15.40)
Whether you choose a Hebrew name or just a meaningful word, this is a sweet way to remind your sibling how well you know them — while giving them something pretty and Jewish to wear.
David Rose from Schitt’s Creek Shirt (Etsy, $12.55)
Why not give your sibling a shirt featuring one of the most iconic siblings of our time? Add in the quarantine-relevant message and we don’t think there’s a more perfect 2020 gift than this.
Larry David Hanukkah Candle (Etsy, $23.39)
If your siblings are more Curb than Schitt’s Creek, then invite the scent of Larry David into their homes this holiday season. Smells pretty, pretty, prettyyyyy good.
For significant others
Flannel Print Pajamas (Amazon, $52-70)
This year has been all about making home cozy — especially for anyone you share a bed with. Choose a cat print, a dog print, a zebra print, or a wineglass print? You can even get a matching set and be the couple of someone’s nightmares.
Dreidel Slippers (Amazon, $19.99)
These are self-explanatory.
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah Print (Etsy, $16)
Don’t tell the seller, but we would pay a lot more for this gem. Bonus: If you live with your SO, this is actually a gift for you, too!
For your grandparents
‘Shmutz Happens’ Apron (Etsy, $22)
Imagine Savta or Saba cheesing in this apron in your holiday photos every year as they make the food of your dreams. And there’s a pocket! Pockets make everything better!
Engraved Wooden Spoon (Etsy, $8)
Nobody makes better soup than a grandparent. They were the first to teach us that food makes everything better. We don’t know the origins of this Jewish proverb, but it’s facts.
Personalized Family Tree (Etsy, $383.99+)
If you want (and are able) to go all out for your grandparents this year, this customizable family tree is a truly beautiful object the whole family is sure to cherish for a long time.
For your extended family
Rachel Bloom’s Memoir (Bookshop, $25.76)
For your cousin who’s obsessed with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I Want To Be Where The Normal People Are is funny, charming, and very Jewish.
Homesick Hanukkah Candle (Amazon, $39.00)
Since it’s hard to gather this year with those who don’t live under the same roof, send Hanukkah to your aunts and uncles with this candle that smells of “potato latkes, fresh out of the frying pan with applesauce” and “jelly donuts from the corner market.” (Aren’t we always trying to get the oil smell out of things? We still want this candle anyway.)
Songbird Mezuzah (Etsy, $50)
If any of your family members have recently moved — or don’t have a mezuzah to bless their current home — this songbird is the sweetest little welcome-home committee.
For your friends
RBG Quote Necklace (NYPL, $65)
“Fight for the things you care about.” This necklace is a beautiful, lasting way to honor a legend. And it’s a worthwhile message for all of us. Get it for a friend who deeply admired RBG.
Timothée Chalamet Cookie Cutter (Etsy, $10)
We’re… astonished at how good this is. Didn’t think those cheekbones could get any sweeter, but here we are. A true steal at $10.
Kosher Porn (Amazon, $5.89)
A comedy coffee table book full of pictures of hot (fully-clothed) Jews, with captions like “let’s do it 8 nights in a row” and “your mother and I get along.” Fun fact: This book features a member of Alma’s staff, but we won’t tell you who.
For your pets
Musical Dreidel Toy (Amazon, $11.98)
So fluffy! And it sings! Get your pup in on the dreidel action.
Hanukkah Cat Sweater (Etsy, $10.98+)
With optional matching yarmulke!! What are you waiting for?
Hanukkah Dog Shirt (Etsy, $26.64)
Honestly, we also want one of these in our size.
Hanukkah Cards (Etsy, $5)
To accompany any of these, you can send the David of your choice — Larry or Rose — to your loved ones.
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