Which Jewish TV Character Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

There’s a lot going on in September, bubelah, so read up. Autumn is a time of change and transition, and you can see that all around you as the leaves change color and die—just like you will, just less dramatically (sorry, it’s true). You’ll want to carve out time to evaluate all facets in your life, what’s working for you, what’s not (like the friend who only keeps you around for your Netflix login). You deserve the best.

This month, all of our favorite TV shows are coming back or being nominated for an Emmy (which is airing September 17), so we paired each sign with our favorite Jewish TV characters. So, take a peek at what this month will be like and find out who you are, below.

VIRGO

This month, you are obsessed with your insecurities and fears. You’re afraid to fail, but I’m here to remind you that it’s OK to fail sometimes—we can’t plan against all tragedies, you know? Write down what you feel in a journal and ways to combat the negative thoughts. You are especially vulnerable to falling prey to gossip this month, but I am warning you against it! Gossip is merely gossip, and not worth thinking about. Take a bath, soak up some good vibes. Play your favorite record on repeat.

grace

You are Grace from Will & Grace! Pragmatic, introspective, and thoughtful.

LIBRA

Dear, you are in a moment of great change right now, and it’s extremely thrilling and exciting. This is a social month for you, both personally and professionally, and it’s time to harness this energy into your passions. Start a project you’ve always wanted to, start a new hobby (drink and draws?), or just plan to meet up with more friends like you always want to. Make sure not to drown yourself in your projects, however, especially since it’s always good to have multiple perspectives.

carriebrownstein

You are Carrie Brownstein from Portlandia! Creative, quirky, but also a little more grounded.

SCORPIO

Dear scorpion, this is not the easiest month for you, I’m sorry to say. You are feeling extra vulnerable this month. It’s OK to take a step back and take time for yourself. You can do this without self-isolating—keep your besties close to you, but don’t feel obligated to go to every social gathering ever. Ask for help when you need it, and don’t let others’ problems overwhelm your own. Come up with solutions to being a rock for others, while taking care of yourself. Take a day over the weekend to stay off social media, perhaps (you’ll survive, I promise).

maura

You are Maura Pfefferman from Transparent! Intense, bold, and deeply aware of the world around you. 

SAGITTARIUS

You usually are decisive and like knowing where you’re going, but this month, you aren’t quite so sure, little Sag. This means you should make a pro/con list in a journal and start thinking about what you’re so uncertain and afraid of. Are you afraid of change because of XYZ? Your optimism and kind-hearted nature is your best quality, but it’s time to start making choices that are good for you, not others.

davidmazouz.jpg

You are Bruce Wayne from Gotham! Philosophical, brave, and a little stubborn. 

CAPRICORN

This month is all about your relationships, my dearest. You often think of your professional responsibilities and goals, but sometimes those closest to you need extra attention. This is the time for that. Be present with them, put down the phone. Go out to see a movie, spend quality time at home. Work is not everything.

beverly.jpg

You are Beverly Goldberg from The Goldbergs! Responsible, wise, and trustworthy.

AQUARIUS

It can be hard for you to let go of hurt feelings and grudges. This month, you are feeling it extra hard, but it’s time to work through these emotions. Accept apologies, say sorry, or just find ways to deal with the unpleasant feelings. I know it’s hard, dear Aquarius, but it will be worth it. What are ways you can change your feelings, maybe even hold yourself accountable for relationships not being what you want them to be? Everything is a two-way street. This month is a time to heal, not just push forward with your dreams.

frankie.jpg

You are Frankie from Grace & Frankie! Dreamy, artistic, but sometimes spacey.

PISCES

Sometimes, dahling, you forget you aren’t the center of the universe. One of your best qualities is your awesome self-confidence, but sometimes, you get a little too full of yourself. That can hurt other people—and that’s not OK. You need to stand up for yourself, but in a way that doesn’t step on toes. It’s also time to put yourself out there, instead of waiting for others to “discover” you. If you want to become a makeup blogger, do it. If you want to start performing at spoken word events, do it.

einsteinhoroscope.jpg

You are Albert Einstein from Genius! Intelligent, confident, and a little shy.

ARIES

You are so impulsive sometimes, which people love you for, but it comes back to bite you in your tuchus. My dear Aries, it’s time to reign in your impulses for a tiny bit more self-control. Even if you don’t feel like your rashness hurts you, it could hurt the people around you (like a partner, friend, or colleague). Are you unhappy in a relationship and making last minute plans of escape as a way to put a bandaid on it? Slow down and take note of what’s really going on.

ilana

You are Ilana from Broad City! Wild, impulsive, and all kinds of fun.

TAURUS

You can be a little too laid back about life sometimes that you let good opportunities pass you by. Sure, Netflix and chill is totally necessary sometimes, but not every night. This is a month to take life by the reigns, my dear Taurus, and get excited about working on a project you can totally own like the badass bull you are. You are in a good position at work and with friends to really stick your toes in and start running.

abbi.jpg

You are Abbi from Broad City! Sassy, outspoken, even if a little neurotic.

GEMINI

Twin Star, this is your time. You sometimes are unsure of how to go about the things you want without seeming too aggressive or passive, but you have to trust your gut. You can be a little insecure at times of your own worth and beauty (inside and out), but it’s time to change that. Make a list of things that make you happy. Are you doing all of them? If not, it’s time to get off your butt and start!

rachel

You are Rebecca from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend! Unique, diplomatic, and at times, anxious.

CANCER

My favorite crab, you need to start prioritizing. And when I say that, I also mean you have to make time to confront a lot of your fears and heal. You are carrying around a lot of hidden pain and trauma from past events, and that’s OK, we all do, but it’s time you really understand why you maybe react to things or certain people because of that. While we can’t fix our problems, we can fix how we deal with them, my dear.

tina

You are Tina from Bob’s Burgers! Shy, emotional, observant.

LEO

It’s going to be a month of tough love, I admit, dear lion. You’re seeking answers, validation, and reassuring opinions from others—and you may not necessarily get them. You are especially preoccupied with your career and love life right now (a double whammy!), which is never easy. With both, it takes care and confidence on your part to get what you want. It all comes from within, darling, which I know isn’t easy, not these days. The more we look outside of ourselves, however, the more we’ll be drowning in a sea of voices that don’t matter.

harold

You are Howard from Big Bang Theory! Loves attention, passionate, curious.

 

Joanna Valente

Joanna C. Valente is the author of Sirs & Madams, The Gods Are Dead, Marys of the Sea, Xenos, and the editor of A Shadow Map: An Anthology by Survivors of Sexual Assault.

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