Ever since the “Jurassic World Rebirth” trailer came out earlier this year, the blockbuster has spawned one very large topic of conversation. Or rather, it would be more accurate to say: a slutty little topic of conversation.
I’m, of course, talking about slutty little glasses.
As Dr. Henry Loomis, actor Jonathan Bailey dons a pair of wire-rim, angular frames that both had people lusting over Bailey and clamoring over the hottest menswear trend for the summer. As Esquire India points out, the glasses evoke “sophisticated sexiness.” Their presence signifies learnedness, a symbol of the kind of person who loves a good book and intellectual discussion. At the same time, they’re oh-so-little, far too easy to slip off at a moment’s notice. Thus, the terminology for “slutty little glasses,” invented by social media personality Blakely Thornton, was born.
But just because we only now have a proper name for SLGs, doesn’t mean they haven’t existed in the past. John Lennon’s small, circular glasses are an important part of his cultural iconography. In the later Harry Potter movies (read: when Radcliffe was an adult), Daniel Radcliffe’s costume glasses definitely took on a slutty quality. And in the mid-2000s, Jewish comedian and SNL star Andy Samberg rocked a tiny pair of specs that have a special place in my heart.
This is an ode to those glasses.
I first started watching SNL when I was in middle school, at the tail end of the 2007-2008 season. By that time, it was Samberg and The Lonely Island’s third season on the show and they had already created “Lazy Sunday,” “Dick in a Box” and the movie “Hot Rod.” It was obvious to anyone who was watching at that time, myself included, that the then 29-year-old Samberg was hot, comedically and personally. He exuded a boyish goofiness and confidence whether he was in a digital short or playing a character like Blizzard Man. This was highlighted by his proclivity for silly facial expressions and, when he wasn’t in costume, his often incurably mopish crop of curls. Samberg reminded me of the guys I had hopeless crushes on in Hebrew school, and I quickly developed a deep-seated crush on him, too.
It wasn’t until later — maybe when I first Google-searched Andy, as a teen with a celebrity crush is prone to do, or saw an early “Laser Cats” short — that I realized Andy wore glasses. They were narrow ovals, not taking up too much real estate on Andy’s face, at the same time that the dark rim clearly announced itself. They were a bit stark, much smaller in comparison to Andy Samberg’s larger-than-life gorgeous lips, toothy grin, eyebrows and nose. Even the slight curves of the rim felt impossibly round against his defined bone structure.
I hated them. Having just rid myself of my own tiny, wire glasses in favor of contacts, I thought Andy Samberg’s glasses were heinous. Nearly everything about the glasses, but particularly their smallness, was ugly to me. Though they did make Andy seem more approachable and down-to-earth, I still saw them as confounding choice for an attractive man.
Now, I am older and have a more refined eye for style and fashion. And I know that I was so completely wrong about Andy Samberg’s glasses. Their size and shape accentuated Andy Samberg’s sculpture-like features perfectly, drawing attention to just how sexy he is. His youthful charm felt all the more fulsome when he grinned from behind those small lenses like a mischievous bar mitzvah boy. And they gave him the opportunity to embody Jewish humor without being forced into a nebbish comedic style which is so often signified by large lenses. By virtue of his unique comedic perspective, Andy Samberg was never going to another Woody Allen, Rick Moranis, Harold Ramis or Al Franken. And thanks to his slutty little glasses, he didn’t have to be.
Andy ditched the slutty little glasses around 2011. It was bound to happen eventually. Style changes and the 2010s were all about bulky, thick glasses. Or maybe the slutty little glasses were simply too marked by his 20s for a guy entering his 30s. Regardless, he’s opted for a variety of bigger and rounder specs ever since. C’est la vie.
In my newfound appreciation for his slutty little glasses, I do miss them though. And, by extension, I miss that part of my life when I first discovered Andy Samberg. (What sweeter, softer feeling is there in the world than remembering a fantastical tweenhood crush on a dreamy TV star?) But Andy’s variety of oversized new glasses suit him just fine. And I look forward to the time, maybe 10 or so years from now, when bulkier glasses are back in style and the latest trend is big hot glasses or chunky sexy spectacles. I’ll happily wax poetic over Andy Samberg’s glasses then, too.
