We asked you to send us your best ideas for Hanukkah movies. We chose our top 12. You voted. And now, we are so excited to announce the winner of Hey Alma’s fourth annual Hanukkah Movie Pitch challenge!
Not coming soon to any theaters near you — because, again, we are not a movie studio but merely a Jewish website — is Beth Kander’s original Hanukkah film, “I Made It Out of Clay.”
Here’s Beth’s winning plot:
“Eve (Mila Kunis) is turning 40 this Hanukkah. Her mother (Marlee Matlin) keeps reminding her she’s not getting any younger. The upcoming wedding of her much-younger cousin Lily (Hannah Einbinder) means the family’s eyes will all be on poor, terminally single Eve. So, in spite of her best friend Sasha (Zoe Kravitz)’s warnings that it’s a terrible idea, Eve RSVPs to the December wedding with a “plus one,” vowing to find the perfect date. Her new neighbor, a recently-divorced dad with a cute accent (Brett Goldstein), seems like a great prospect. But he has his kids that weekend, so regretfully turns her down. As does everyone else she calls.
Desperate, out of time, and a little drunk, Eve recalls a strange story her Ukrainian bubbe once told. Remembering, too, that the sub-basement of her apartment building has a clay foundation, with extra bags of the stuff in the corner, Eve ventures down below… and builds herself a golem.
The next morning, she’s hungover, bleary-eyed, half-remembering her weird dream… and it’s now the dreaded day. She’s 40, dateless, and Lily’s wedding is that evening. Total nightmare. Sighing, she rolls over, just wanting to go back to sleep… AND THERE HE IS: HER GOLEM (Paul Rudd). It wasn’t a dream!
At first, everything seems wonderful. He’s cute, attentive, and, of course, very protective. But when they head to Lily’s wedding, where old wounds lurk and new threats surround her, Eve’s lighthearted rom-com fantasy swiftly mudslides toward something much, much darker.”
“I decided to give a nod to contest tradition with a classic rom-com opening… then quickly spiral it into a dark comedy with a charming but deadly wedding golem. I also love wordplay names, and so ‘I Made It Out of Clay’ was born,” Beth told Hey Alma.
She added, “Side note, should we name the golem Paul Mudd? Because I definitely think we should name the golem Paul Mudd.”
Beth, we think the golem should ABSOLUTELY be named Paul Mudd. And we are so proud of you for bravely asking the question: What if a golem were deadly hot?
Beth is a nonprofit strategist from 9-5 and moonlights as playwright and author. She has a picture book about Jewish foods called “DO NOT EAT THIS BOOK” debuting in 2023, which, frankly, sounds pretty awesome to us! She lives in Chicago with her husband, two kids and 100-pound rescue dog.
As for what our contest winner plans to do with the sheer amount of fame and glory that comes with winning the Hey Alma Hanukkah Movie Pitch Content? Beth says that’ll mostly translate into bragging rights — especially since all the other entries were just so good!
“I should definitely be able to parlay all this fame and glory into at least one solid high-five from my kids,” she explained. “No chance of me getting an ego over this, though, because anyone who read all the amazing entries knows that this year, the real winner was Mr. Paul Rudd — AKA Paul Mudd.”
Never have truer words been spoken. Mazel tov, Beth! Hollywood, someone make this happen stat.