As someone who’s on the Jewish internet a lot, I’ve heard of some pretty gnarly bagel orders in my day. We’re talking scooped bagels, rainbow bagels, bagels topped with dessert schmears so decadent it’s practically sacrilegious. But none have been as offensive to me as Jewish actor Adam Brody’s bagel order from the ’90s: a chocolate chip bagel with strawberry cream cheese. (OK, I know I’m being dramatic. But it’s tough when he is so perfect and that order is so not!)
That is, Adam Brody’s bagel order offended me the most… until I learned of Brett Goldstein’s bagel order.
In a recent interview with InStyle promoting his new romantic drama film “All of You,” the 45-year-old British Jewish actor revealed that he doesn’t have a bagel order. Because he doesn’t consume bagels. “I don’t eat bread,” Brett responded when InStyle asked for his order. Le gasp! No bagels? No challah? No babka or bialys or knishes? How does this man connect with his Ashkenazi Jewish culinary heritage?!?
To be fair to Mr. Goldstein, my colleague at Kveller, Lior Zaltzman pointed out that it’s not entirely surprising to her that bagels aren’t that important to him given that he’s not American. While bagels are a deep-seated part of American Jewish culture, that’s not necessarily the case everywhere else. Plus, not everyone is able to eat or tolerate gluten, which would be a very valid reason for a person to abstain from bread! (If this is you, please avail yourself of The Nosher’s list of gluten-free Jewish recipes you’ll actually want to eat.)
In the interview, Brett also gave his thoughts on the Ashkenazi Jewish concept of “bashert.” Well, kind of. Brett was asked about his thoughts on whether soulmates exist, given that so many of his projects — including his new movie — touch on the topic. ICYMI, in Yiddish, “bashert” means “fate” or “destiny” and is often used to describe someone’s soulmate. (See, we made the connection!)
“I change my mind,” Brett explained. “I honestly don’t know. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I’m not sure there’s one person for everyone. I think there’s 50 people for everyone. I think in your lifetime there are probably 50 people that you should have met. That doesn’t mean you’ll have sex with, but there’s some karmic connection, over millennia. You know what I mean?”
Well, there you have it, folks. Brett Goldstein: no on bagels, maybe on soulmates. Now, as to whether we can forgive him not eating bagels because he’s so talented and handsome, the answer is affirmative.
