As many great friendships do, ours began during a year-long, virtual Hillel International internship. At some point in the early morning in Los Angeles and the nearly-afternoon in Waltham, the coasts converged on our computer screens.
Our small cohort of five in the internship became friendly during the time, but the two of us quickly figured out that we had the same type of personality. We had chosen this journalism internship because we both loved words, plain and simple. We liked to write them, read them and speak about made-up words reserved for the Chronically Online.
It would be easy to assume that like many friendships made in college, this would fizzle out after graduation — or in our case, at the end of our internship. But we exchanged phone numbers and Instagrams and did the impossible: stayed in touch despite almost 3,000 miles of distance. (Did we mention that at this time, we hadn’t met in person — and still haven’t?)
Our friendship post-internship didn’t change much, but we figured out how to stay in touch and in one another’s lives, even without the reliable weekly Hillel International Zoom call.
Curious how we did it? While all Long Distance Jewish Friendships (LDJF!) are not the same, we think that we figured out a pretty good way to get it done! Here are some tips about how to foster a LDJF of your own.
1. Share (the good, the bad, the awful) dating woes
Turns out, East Coast or West Coast, doesn’t matter! The boys on Hinge/Bumble/[Insert Your App of Choice Here] will prove over and over that the NJB is a rare breed, but the AJB (Average Jewish Boy) is an all too common knockoff. The only upside to this: We had plenty to kvetch about every time we spoke. Bonus points if you give each other’s love interests cringey middle school-esque code names. Even more bonus points if one friend sends the other friend the new Maisie Peters album that coincides perfectly with a breakup.
2. Call and text each other — a lot
Losing touch is so easy. One day without speaking turns into one week, one month, one year. While we don’t talk every day, we never go a full week without some form of communication. Even liking your friend’s Instagram stories go a long way, or sharing a meme or a post that you
think the other might enjoy. We send each other all things Taylor Swift related, book related and general things related to what it means to be a Jewish woman today. No one can say we don’t have range!
3. Read the same books
Convincing your friend to read a book you love is a rush that hits every time. Getting the live updates of their reading experience is even better. We’re about to attempt a buddy read to further stay in touch and have an excuse to constantly be talking to each other — especially because Emma finally got Rachel to read the “hot rabbi book.” It doesn’t hurt your chances of actually meeting your Goodreads goal either (or competing against one another on the book count).
4. Take an interest in their interest — even if it’s not your interest
It wasn’t until about two years into our friendship that we both discovered that we love sports. Emma has a penchant for hockey (ironic, for a native Floridian) while Rachel loves baseball and basketball. Though these are all VERY different sports, we still can enjoy a game, knowing the other is excitedly watching.
During the 2024 Stanley Cup Finals (go Florida Panthers!) Rachel somehow figured out how hockey works (even if she still can’t quite figure out how to spell the name of Emma’s favorite player, Carter Verhaeghe). It seems that the next step might be for Emma to finally understand the lore and the beauty behind the LA Lakers. (Emma isn’t totally clueless, Lebron was on her team first!) Emma couldn’t care less about baseball, but still appreciates Rachel’s love for Shohei Ohtani. Rachel thinks that Emma should give LA a chance, but we still find common ground and try to understand where someone is coming from with their interest.
5. Revel in the beauty of having a Jewish friend
Since we both grew up in Jewish areas (hello, South Florida and Los Angeles!), having a Jewish friend in our adult lives was very important to both of us and it became a cornerstone to our relationship. Having a Jewish friend means that there is someone who understands your neuroses, why cheesecake might not be the right meal of choice for that night and why you can just assume that early fall is a terrible time to make plans. The joy of having a Jewish friend is in the small and the large parts of our lives: We understand the beauty and the awfulness of having curly hair that never fully loses its frizziness, and we understand the importance of the traditions that our ancestors have been doing for millennia — and the desire to both continue them and make it our own. It’s a very weird time to be Jewish right now, and likely every Jewish person feels the strain in some way. To have someone who gets you, and who celebrates your cultural heritage with you, is so special and something neither of us take for granted.
So take a chance and if you’re vibing with a long distance friend and want to get closer, go ahead and send the awkward first text! Fear of rejection is so real, but sometimes all it takes is one WhatsApp message outside the group chat to solidify a lifelong long-distance best friendship.
