Everybody loves to know a celebrity bagel order. It gives a sense of their taste and, in a larger sense, who they are. Do they have a classic palate? Or are they more out-of-the-box? It also gives us plebeians an opportunity to ruthlessly judge said taste and palate. (Remember when Cynthia Nixon said her bagel order was a cinnamon raisin with lox and capers? Insane. I’m still not over it, especially since she defended the order just last year!)
So, in (belated) honor of National Bagel Day, why not dig into a power ranking of Jewish celebrity bagel orders?
Before I get started, just a wee disclaimer: This silly little ranking is all in good fun! Ultimately, every bagel order is valid.
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OK, maybe not every bagel order. (I’m looking at you, Brett Goldstein.) But now, without further ado… onto the rankings!
#11: Brett Goldstein
Order: No bagel 🙁
Reason for ranking: No bagel 🙁
“I don’t eat bread,” Brett responded when InStyle asked for his bagel order this past September. It’s a good thing you’re hot, Brett. Otherwise this is unforgivable.
#10: Past Adam Brody
Order: Chocolate chip bagel with strawberry cream cheese
Reason for ranking: As a teenager, Adam Brody worked at a bagel shop. In a 2024 interview with UK magazine The Stylist, he said that when he worked there, he would make himself this sweet bagel. “I haven’t had it since the 90s but I bet it still holds up,” He added.
Adam, our love. Our sweet, beautiful boy. This bagel order does not hold up. Yes, of course it tastes good. But that’s not the point! Dessert bagels are a shanda.
#9: Rebecca Minkoff
@accesshollywood How New York of them: Here are some of the #RHONY cast’s bagel orders 🥯
Order: A scooped out bagel, toasted with egg, cream cheese and one sliver of onion
Reason for ranking: A scooped out bagel? Also a shanda.
#8: Sarah Sherman
Order: Sunflower seed flat with dairy-free cream cheese from Ace Bagels
Reason for ranking: As self-described “professional poop clown” Sarah Sherman once wisely said, “I can’t eat shit I like anymore. Being Jewish and in your 30s is sad.” This bagel order, from the same Grub Street Diet profile, is a bit of a reflection of that. Dairy-free cream cheese is… tough.
But it’s also understandable for an Ashkenazi Jew with tummy trouble. We respect you taking care of your body, Sarah! And extra points for a unique bagel type.
#7: Timothée Chalamet
@vanityfair “Sorry to the East Coast.” Notable New Yorker #TimotheeChalamet shares his ideal bagel order. Watch the cast of Dune: Part Two put each other to the test for Vanity Fair’s Quiz Show. #florencepugh #austinbutler #zendaya #duneparttwo #joshbrolin #javierbardem
Order: Bacon, egg and cheese on an everything bagel
Reason for ranking: Yeah, it’s a good order. But it’s pretty basic. DREAM BIG, Timothée!
#6: Chloe Fineman
Order: Lox bagel add tomato with cream cheese from Apollo Bagels
Reason for ranking: When this ranking was initially posted on Instagram, I reported Chloe’s bagel order as tomato on sesame and lox on everything from Apollo Bagels. This came from her Grub Street Diet last year. “Where is the schmear? The joie de vivre?” I asked about this order.
However, Chloe came to correct the record in an Instagram comment! My sincerest apologies, Chloe! A lox bagel with tomato and cream cheese is, in fact, her bagel order. This has more of the joie de vivre I was looking for and it bumps her up into the #6 spot.
#5: Jake Cohen
Order: Anything in the BEC family, lox with lots of onion, lots of tomato, a little bit of cream cheese, or tuna on a cinnamon raisin
Reason for ranking: When Hey Alma asked Jake for his go-to bagel order in 2021, his immediate response was, “It depends on the mood.” REAL. He also gets a boost for saying, “I hate bagel shops that put a fucking inch of cream cheese. No one needs that amount of dairy, especially the Jews!”
Where Jake loses some points is his love of tuna on cinnamon raisin. It’s not for me, king. But you do you!
#4: Present Adam Brody
Order: Cream cheese or a smoked salmon with all the fixings (capers, basil, tomatoes)
Reason for ranking: OK, now we’re talking, Adam Brody.
#3: Sarah Jessica Parker
Order: Bagel from Bagel Buffet, toasted with Kerrygold butter “wall to wall,” Grey Poupon mustard and four slices of Boar’s Head salami
Reason for ranking: It’s not kosher, but doesn’t it sound beautiful? We have to admire its originality.
#2: Adam Pally
Order: Sesame bagel, not toasted, with scallion cream cheese, belly lox and red onion
Reason for ranking: Delicious. And specifically saying “belly lox”? This man knows what he’s talking about.
#1: Benny Blanco
Order: Home-made bagel with scallion cream cheese, pastrami lox, tomato, cucumber, lemon caper dressing, sumac-pickled onions and fresh dill
Reason for ranking: This is a bit of a cop-out since the recipe is from Jake Cohen’s cookbook “Dinner Party Animal.” But Benny is nothing if not an extravagant chef so of course he’s going to make his own bagel and give it the works. What really takes this over the top is the dressing and sumac-pickled onions, which add a level of refinement to a deli classic. Yum.
