Hello and welcome back to Hey Alma’s advice column on all things Jewish life. Read on for advice from our resident deputy managing editor/bossy Capricorn Jew, and submit your own dilemmas anonymously here.
Hey, Hey Alma,
Forgive me if this is an odd question, but, uh, is it OK for a Jewish person to go to a church’s free pancake breakfast? I’m relatively new in my town, I love the idea of meeting other people in my community, and I love pancakes. All the fliers say it’s open to everyone, but do they really mean it? If I go, should I mention I’m Jewish? Are they going to try to convert me? Does it make the Jews look bad that I’m showing up for free food? Please help.
— Breakfast (But Not Jesus) Lover
Hello, Breakfast Lover! I, too, am a lover of breakfast, so I felt an immediate kinship with you. I’ll also say, as a bossy Capricorn Jewess, I’m rarely unsure of myself and my advice… but this question stumped me a bit. I plucked it from our advice box because I was intrigued, and also because I wasn’t sure exactly how I’d answer it, which is fun for me. So I did what any community-minded breakfast-loving Jew would do, and I started asking everyone around me for their opinions. By which I mean, I posed the question in our office Slack and texted 10+ friends, some Jewish and some not. I used a lot of pancake emojis. After all this discussion, I think I’ve got some useful advice for you. Pull up a stack of pancakes and two forks, and let’s discuss.
1. If you want to go to this pancake breakfast, go to this pancake breakfast.
Listen. Life is short. If you want to go to a pancake breakfast at a church… just go. I personally have never been interested in any event hosted at a church, but then again, the churches in my neighborhood have never put up fliers for a pancake breakfast. I’ll be honest, almost every Jew I spoke to about this said, “I would not go!” Some cited religious texts, some seemed concerned you would be proselytized to, some just seemed confused. On the flip side (pancake pun), every non-Jewish person I asked said, “Of course she should go!” Make of that what you will. (When I shared this data with one friend, she wrote back: “the difference of reactions adds up to me — jews are a lot less trusting, lol.”) And yes, we as a people have reason to be… uh… lightly distrusting, let’s say. But also: What is the worst that could happen at one single pancake breakfast? Go, be honest about your Judaism, eat some pancakes, maybe make some new community connections. If you feel uncomfortable? Leave.
2. If it’s important to you to make Jewish community, go to a Jewish event.
You mention that you’re new-ish to town, and that you want to make some community. One thing is certain: You are not going to make Jewish community at a church event, unless there are multiple Jews in your town pondering this conundrum right now (plausible, I suppose!). But no, seriously — if it’s Jewish community you’re seeking, this is not the place to find it. Whether or not you attend this particular event, I think it would be worth it to seek out some synagogues and Jewish institutions in your town (if they exist) and check out their offerings, too. They may not be offering a pancake breakfast, but perhaps they have a nice kiddush after services, or a cute mah jongg class on the weekends. I guess I want to make the point that there are many places to make community in a new town, and just remind you that if you’re seeking Jewish community specifically, you gotta put in the effort to find it.
3. Different churches are different, just like different synagogues are different.
Multiple Jewish and non-Jewish people I polled pointed out that the denomination and the vibe of the church really matters. Are they Evangelical? If yes, I actually think you should skip it, as a co-worker said: “I would actively advise any Jews to never attend an Evangelical-hosted event… they will try to convert you.” Another colleague shared that a good check would be to see if the church is part of a town-wide interfaith group/committee — that can give you insight on how invested they are in building coalitions and friendships across religious lines. In my personal (very limited) experience with churches, if they are giving hippie vibes or have a rainbow flag out front, they will generally be more accepting and chill. I realize that makes me sound like I can’t even name multiple Christian denominations, and guess what — I can’t! Quiz me on all the sects of Judaism though and I’ll get an A+.
4. Have you considered making pancakes at home?
OK, community/conversion/ethics aside, it does seem like a huge draw of this situation is simply… free breakfast. And yes, I know eggs are really expensive these days. But when I posed this conundrum to one of my dearest friends, she texted back incredulously and immediately: “Girl, just make pancakes.” When I gave her more context, she stuck to her statement. “I guess my question is why would anyone want to go to this,” she wrote. “Surely there are better ways to make friends, and pancakes aren’t that expensive.” And, you know, that’s fair! IDK, maybe just make challah French toast at home this weekend?
5. YOLO
At the end of my 48-hour personal investigation into whether or not it’s OK for a Jew to attend a free pancake breakfast at a church, I’ve come to the best conclusion one can hope for when asking for advice: It just doesn’t matter that much! Struggling to stay hopeful while searching for your bashert? Huge stakes. Figuring out how to raise your child in an interfaith family? Very important. Dealing with antisemitism from your boyfriend’s mom? Enormous issue. Attending, or not attending, a free pancake breakfast at a church? Simply not so deep! And frankly, in a world that inspires very intense pain and anxiety for almost everyone in 2025, it’s a relief to ponder something that just doesn’t have very big consequences. There’s no wrong choice here. So YOLO, sweet (or savory) breakfast lover! And if you decide to go, eat an extra pancake for me.
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