Our prayers have been answered: There’s a bagel emoji coming to iOS12.1, along with a curly haired emoji. The curly haired emoji is fine — exciting to have some hair diversity — but there has been outrage over the new bagel emoji. It’s being called a “gentile bagel.”
Grub Street took a strong stance, writing, “This is an emoji that New Yorkers and bagel lovers around the world have been expecting for a long time and the disappointment is truly overwhelming. Take a look at this clearly machine-cut monstrosity with its stiff and bready interior, which couldn’t possibly be redeemed by a few minutes in a toaster.” They continued, “Let’s talk about that distressingly smooth crust. What midwestern bagel factory did this bagel come out of? And is it really a bagel if there isn’t a disgusting amount of cream cheese that needs to be wiped off with a napkin before you can consume it? To be frank, this bagel emoji should only be used to illustrate what kind of bagel you don’t want your friend to pick up on the way over.”
Editor of The Nosher, Shannon Sharna, explained it thusly: “It looks like a Lender’s bagel, or a bagel you might get at a conference breakfast in a Marriott.” It is “not an authentic NY bagel,” and she wouldn’t “waste [her] carbs on that.”
We rounded up the best jokes about this bad bagel:
1. New Yorkers demand more
You call this factory-produced bagel an emoji that stands for all bagels??? New Yorkers demand more. https://t.co/kvo6THEjNO
— Pat Kiernan (@patkiernan) October 3, 2018
2. The. Most. Gentile.
Apple finally made a bagel emoji and it's the most gentile bagel ever bakedhttps://t.co/UxnNuTUnZa
— Josh Glancy (@joshglancy) October 2, 2018
the new bagel emoji is deadass blasphemous pic.twitter.com/tBnFUig7AT
— em (@_emilyrosenthal) October 3, 2018
4. K, is it going to get anti-Semitic? (Probably)
Artist Designing Bagel Emoji Already Worried About Potential Coded Uses On Twitter pic.twitter.com/EZyhuLGH0k
— Nick Cron-DeVico (@Cronny) October 2, 2018
5. Seriously. What.
I finally think things are turning around and then THIS is the bagel emoji Apple gives us? pic.twitter.com/x1s57Gh0sn
— Alex Regnery (@aregnery) October 2, 2018
6. “Plain-ass bagel”
i'm so hurt by this plain-ass bagel as the official emoji https://t.co/dbMaTSrDtO
— jeff meltz never logs out (@thecultureofme) February 8, 2018
7. IT WILL NOT STAND
I’m organizing a march in New York City against Apple’s just-revealed bagel emoji, which comes out with the next iOS update. It looks like something you get from a cardboard box in the freezer section at Walmart. This insult will not stand. pic.twitter.com/Z44YFBuUlU
— Downtown Josh Brown (@ReformedBroker) October 3, 2018
This only perpetuates sub-standard bagel expectations around the world. Technology was meant to make life better than this!
— Mahlon Stewart, PT, DPT, GCS (@mahlonstewart) October 3, 2018
9. Why isn’t it an everything bagel?
Would it kill them to make this an everything bagel sheesh https://t.co/X5awuVOo3K
— Azad (@young_macro) October 3, 2018
10. Seriously: Lender’s bagels should not be the model.
Disgusted by the preview of the new “bagel” emoji. Lender’s bagel lookin’ ass.
Bagels deserve better. #JusticeForBagels
— Devin Healey, but a spooky version 🕷🎃 (@CougThoughts) October 3, 2018
11. Too bready.
Ugh, this looks way too bready. https://t.co/4SodA5Mt7o
— J.P. Freire (@JPFreire) October 3, 2018
12. Clearly a Californian designed it.
You can tell this monstrosity was designed by a Californian https://t.co/tRludJUTux
— brandon heck-ter 👻 (@bechter) October 2, 2018
13. Seamless chimed in:
Bagel emojis need
— Seamless (@Seamless) October 3, 2018
14. WHO EATS IT WITHOUT CREAM CHEESE??
— sportsology (@sportsology) October 3, 2018
15. It’s just wrong.
The only place in NYC where you’ll see this type of bagel is in a bodega. Wrapped in plastic. And the package is labeled something like, “bagel bread.”
My point is, if they wanted to get it right… just come out with the everything bagel emoji. https://t.co/WdCX9doNWp
— Marc Schwartz (@Marc_J_Schwartz) October 3, 2018
16. “Airport desperation bagel.”
I must agree. It looks like an airport desperation bagel. https://t.co/vdQEF7yfU4
— The Macalope (@TheMacalope) October 3, 2018
17. Even NY1 chimed in:
— Spectrum News NY1 (@NY1) October 3, 2018
18. Maybe they mis-labeled.
after conferring with my NYC colleagues, we have come to the conclusion that this is, in fact, a donut
— Mike Murphy (@mcwm) October 2, 2018