Presidential candidate, billionaire Mike Bloomberg, has dropped out. (Guess his meme campaign failed!) Bloomberg suspended his campaign after a weak showing on Super Tuesday; he only won 12 delegates — six of them from American Samoa. Bloomberg has since endorsed Biden.
To reiterate, Bloomberg spent half a billion dollars to only win American Samoa, a U.S. colony (yes, the U.S. still has colonies; yes, it’s fucked up; yes, there are a lot of fucked up things about the U.S. and this is just one of many).
The world may feel like a shitshow right now, but at least we have jokes. Naturally, Twitter delivered:
1. Right down the toilet:
i actually feel for bloomberg because one time i had 500 million dollars in the back pocket of my shorts and when i went to the bathroom i accidentally dropped it in the toilet and it flushed automatically 😞
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) March 4, 2020
2. Truly hilarious.
I apologize for saying Mike Bloomberg isn’t funny. Spending a half billion dollars of your own money and only winning American Samoa is extremely funny https://t.co/HrnTJSOcrE
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) March 4, 2020
3. American Samoa loves villains, who knew!?
The voters of American Samoa were like “we exist and we LOVE villains!” Honestly, it’s inspiring.
— R. Eric Thomas (@oureric) March 4, 2020
4. Truly, we would’ve taken the $500 million right off your hands…
If Bloomberg wanted to waste 500 million he could’ve just called me
— Sylvia Obell (@SylviaObell) March 4, 2020
5. Half. A. Billion. Dollars.
May he be warmed by the half a billion dollars he lit on fire. https://t.co/EkG3TGMMmo
— Myke Cole (@MykeCole) March 4, 2020
6. We could’ve had 12 Knives Outs!!!
For the amount of money he wasted on a presidential campaign that only seemed to make him irritated and sad, Michael Bloomberg could have bankrolled Knives Out at least 12 times. Does he know how hard it is to get a mid-budget film made!?!!. https://t.co/js6vQ0RXhY
— Erin 😷 Ryan (@morninggloria) March 4, 2020
7. Except my disappointment is spending money on a stale bagel, not an entire election.
like Bloomberg I have spent a lot of money on disappointment
— JP (@jpbrammer) March 4, 2020
8. Bloomberg reporting on Bloomberg:
Nice scoop https://t.co/3hH4AvVKki
— Adam Rubenstein (@RubensteinAdam) March 4, 2020
9. We’ll never forget this fun fact, tbh.
"American Samoa" is going to be a great trivia question answer for a long, long time. https://t.co/dEnBruz5Ub
— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) March 4, 2020
10. Always? Always.
we will always have american samoa
— darth™ (@darth) March 4, 2020
11. These jokes remain funny (and sad):
Oh I would spend 500 million and I would spend 500 mo’, just to be the man who spent 500 million and won American Samoa.
— Alex Seitz-Wald (@aseitzwald) March 4, 2020
12. I mean…
Mike Bloomberg t-shirt: "I spent $600 million and all I got were these lousy delegates from American Samoa"
— Michael Tracey (@mtracey) March 4, 2020
13. He bought a Super Bowl commercial, people!!
Bloomberg after spending $500 million to win American Samoa pic.twitter.com/E8QHwWhyda
— Ryan Perry (@rynprry) March 4, 2020
14. K, pivoting from American Samoa jokes to… Bloomberg is scared of Elizabeth Warren jokes:
“It is with great regret that I withdraw from the race to be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. Yes, we have the resources to continue, but the reason is simple: I don’t want to debate @ewarren again. I don’t have to and you can’t make me.” @MikeBloomberg
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) March 4, 2020
15. A MIKE DROP!!
Warren forcing Bloomberg out was a real Mike drop.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 4, 2020
16. Yes to all the Uncut Gems jokes:
Mike Bloomberg watching the results come in pic.twitter.com/WVxBvD0qRp
— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) March 4, 2020
17. We all have our quirks!
Bloomberg spent half a billion dollars to serve as Biden's human shield on the debate stage. I guess we all have our quirks. https://t.co/WC6FpQ7ZY9
— (((Yair Rosenberg))) (@Yair_Rosenberg) March 4, 2020
18. In summation:
— OMGWTFBIBLE (@OMGWTFBIBLE) March 4, 2020
Header Image by Brett Carlsen/Getty Images.