Since 2010, Natalie Portman has been the face of Christian Dior’s Miss Dior perfume.

The perfume has been around since 1947, with Perfume Society explaining, “Miss Dior became one of the great fragrance icons of the 20th Century. Allegedly, as Dior was preparing for the launch of his first perfume, the name for the fragrance had yet to be invented. Then his sister, Catherine Dior, walked into the salon of 30 Avenue Montaigne. Dior’s muse, Mitzah Bricard, announced: ‘Here’s Miss Dior!’ On the day of the show, the salon was sprayed with this bewitching perfume – and clients and journalists left with its scent on their clothes and their skin.”

Because of her now nine-year partnership with Dior, Natalie has starred in numerous commercials for the perfume, with the newest one just released. On YouTube, we found seven full “Miss Dior” commercials. Naturally, we ranked from worst to best:

7. Absolutely Blooming (2017)

We’re just talking about the first 45 seconds of this video (the latter half is later on this list). It is the worst one, simply because there’s no narrative arc. At least the ones she’d done had some sort of story concept! This is just Natalie posing with the bottle of perfume on a pink couch. All she says is “absolutely,” and then giggles. Its only redeeming quality is the music choice — Janis Joplin — though it’s very hard to imagine that Joplin herself would be a fan of this ad. This is a stereotype of a perfume commercial. Next.

6. Whirlwind of Love (2019)

“A breath of spring swirling in the air, rose petals in the breeze, your essence unfolding just for me, a rose is a rose is a rose,” Natalie whispers as she spins around to the instrumentals of Sia’s “Chandelier.” This is the newest Miss Dior on the list, and it’s only saved from the worst spot because at least this has a concept? Sorta?! IDK.

5. Fragrance creation (2017)

(Side note: Is this an ad? We can’t tell. It must be, but we don’t know!!)

“Christian Dior said, ‘Make me a fragrance that smells like love,’ Natalie explains at the start. We then see her touring a rose garden with Dior’s perfumer, and she’s just so delighted to look at these flowers. She really sells it! Natalie Portman, a great actor. (Not being sarcastic, she should’ve gotten an Oscar for Jackie.) Then she speaks in French, which, go, Natalie! And we end with her throwing some roses around.

Overall, a solid concept — Natalie touring the roses that will go into the perfume — but we’re putting this at number five because we don’t know if actually aired as a commercial or if this was some sort of behind-the-scenes deal.

4. Sofia Coppola-directed (2011)

Okay, this one immediately gets points for being directed by Sofia Coppola. It’s basically just Natalie making out with the actor Alden Ehrenreich, smelling roses, listening to French music, looking beautiful, more making out with Alden Ehrenreich, lying in bed with Alden Ehrenreich, and lying in a bathtub with sunglasses on.

Miss Dior

There’s no dialogue, but at least they’re conveying something? Like, at least I get a vibe from this one. It’s fun! And flirty! As AdWeek wrote in 2011, “The current trend in perfume ads has officially crossed over from glamorous to alienating and dull.”

Here’s Sofia and Natalie:

Natalie Portman Sofia Coppola

 

Okay, moving on, the top three all tell a STORY. There’s dialogue. There’s a wild budget. There are multiple sets. Ready?

3. La Vie en Rose (2013)

Set to “La Vie En Rose,” this has Natalie in a fountain, Natalie making out with a random dude, Natalie swimming, Natalie staring into the camera, Natalie in a pink dress in a retro car, Natalie making out with the random dude again, Natalie with roses, Natalie lounging on a couch, and one more make-out session for good measure.

Like the 2011 ad, this was also directed by Sofia Coppola, and it even came with a movie-esque poster:

natalie portman miss dior

This takes the top 3 spot, however, for the wall of roses.

NataliePortman

It’s just so fun!

2. “What would you do for love?” (2017)

This is the ad that “redefined” Miss Dior, according to Natalie Portman herself: “Miss Dior is much more of a woman now, liberated and strong. She’s a modern princess, and she lives in the moment right now.”

We’ve got “Chandelier” by Sia again (Sia and Natalie would team up again in 2018’s Vox Lux). We begin with pure melodrama: a random dude saying, “I love you,” and Natalie blurting out, “PROVE IT” (it’s supposed to be serious but it makes me laugh every time). Then Natalie jumps into the ocean in a Dior gown, is under the sheets in a bed, runs across the beach, is in Paris, lip-syncs to Sia, drag races in a pink car to spell out “love,” and doesn’t make out with the random dude. At the end, Natalie asks “And you? What would you do for love?”

miss dior

Honestly, it’s all absurd, but it’s kinda hypnotic. Natalie is centered in this one, at least, and there’s no love interest really (we never see his face).

“I think this fragrance really presents a more rebellious side of love. It shows all the different aspects of love — the passion and the tenderness and the joy and the ferocity,” Natalie told Vogue. “Miss Dior has always symbolized a strong and confident woman and I think this campaign in particular illustrates that side of her.”

As Elle wrote, “It’s energetic, arresting, and not exactly your average ethereal/preposterous fragrance ad.” AdWeek says it “sets the bar for cryptic storytelling.” It was one of the 10 most watched ads on YouTube in 2017.

It even came with a behind-the-scenes bonus!

1. Runaway Bride (2015)

Okay this takes the top spot because it’s insane. Natalie is getting married, walking down the aisle with an actor who is playing her father. She looks at him, says, “I’m sorry Dad,” kicks off her heels, and runs away. She abandons her wedding dress (there is a beautiful strapless black dress conveniently underneath it), climbs into a helicopter as rose petals fly down, and then the pilot starts kissing her neck. She’s escaping with her lover!! A TWIST! As Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart” plays, Natalie is freeeeee!

It’s technically called “It’s Miss, Actually,” and the director says his vision for the ad was a “feminist” one.

There’s even a director’s cut:

Thank you, Dior, for this collection of ridiculous Natalie Portman ads. We will cherish them forever.

Emily Burack

Emily Burack is an editorial assistant at Alma.