Friends, forget about the Oscars. I mean yes, the Oscars had Taika Waititi and Bong Joon Ho and Natalie Portman’s embroidered cape. However, the Independent Spirit Awards (which happened the night before the Oscars) had the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles singing about Laura Dern, an award for Booksmart, and a whole lotta love for the very Jewy Uncut Gems.
The best part of the whole night? Adam Sandler’s acceptance speech for Best Male Lead.
Sandler, who played Howard Ratner, a gambling-addicted Jewish diamond dealer, came up on stage with a prepared speech. “Just in case they cut me off, I love you to my wife and kids and my family,” he begins, then unfolding some printed pages from his suit jacket.
His voice drops, and he adds a funny accent (you know, that classic *Adam Sandler voice*), as he begins:
“Hello, my name is Adam Sandler. I stand before you trembling with ample glee as I receive this so-called Best Actor trophy, independently speaking, of course,” Sandler says. He then shouts out host Aubrey Plaza, who he did Funny People with in 2009, calling it the last time “critics pretended not to hate me for five fucking minutes. Catch you in another 11 years, Aubrey.”
He then shouts out his “fellow nominees, who will now and forever be known as the guys who lost to fucking Adam Sandler.” One word: ICONIC.
"I'd like to give a shoutout to my fellow nominees who will henceforth be known as the guys who fucking lost to Adam Sandler." pic.twitter.com/7OLH2584ws
— Liam (@Liam_Norval) February 9, 2020
Then he dives into the heart of the speech:
“You know, a few weeks back, when I was quote-unquote snubbed by the Academy, it reminded me when I briefly attended high school and was overlooked for the coveted yearbook superlative category Best Looking. That accolade was given to a jean-jacket-wearing featherhead douchebag by the name of Skipper Jenkins. But my classmates did honor me with the allegedly less-prestigious designation of Best Personality.
“And tonight, as I look around this room, I realize, the Independent Spirit Awards are the Best Personality Awards of Hollywood. So let all those featherhead douchebag motherfuckers get their Oscars tomorrow night. Their handsome good looks will fade in time, while our independent personalities will shine on forever!”
He then steps out of the voice, jokingly telling the audience, “I’ve got more, I’m sorry, I’m gonna cruise through this.” Sandler then looks back on his career, referring to Billy Madison as “a fearless look into the American education system,” eventually explaining, “I’ve tried to sell my truths with a truly independent spirit, while also cashing some truly, disturbingly large paychecks.” (Netflix and Sandler have a huge deal right now. Also, it’s well-known that Sandler uses his movies as an excuse to hang out with his friends in a tropical location.)
He then thanks the Uncut Gems team, talking about the directors: “No, those aren’t homeless rabbis. Those are the Safdie brothers.” The camera then pans to the Safdie brothers, who are cracking up, naturally.
Sandler then thanks his kids for reading the script and telling him, “Dad, you gotta fucking do this movie.”
Watch the whole thing here:
Oscars, you could’ve had this speech. You could’ve had it allllllll…..
Header Image: Adam Sandler accepts the Best Male Lead award for ‘Uncut Gems’ onstage during the 2020 Film Independent Spirit Awards by Tommaso Boddi/Getty Images