Presidential candidate, billionaire Mike Bloomberg, has dropped out. (Guess his meme campaign failed!) Bloomberg suspended his campaign after a weak showing on Super Tuesday; he only won 12 delegates — six of them from American Samoa. Bloomberg has since endorsed Biden.
To reiterate, Bloomberg spent half a billion dollars to only win American Samoa, a U.S. colony (yes, the U.S. still has colonies; yes, it’s fucked up; yes, there are a lot of fucked up things about the U.S. and this is just one of many).
The world may feel like a shitshow right now, but at least we have jokes. Naturally, Twitter delivered:
1. Right down the toilet:
Cozy Season with Hey Alma. As the days get shorter, Hey Alma is where you can curl up with Jewish culture that's funny, honest, and open to everyone.
https://twitter.com/RachelWenitsky/status/1235224401517387781
2. Truly hilarious.
I apologize for saying Mike Bloomberg isn’t funny. Spending a half billion dollars of your own money and only winning American Samoa is extremely funny https://t.co/HrnTJSOcrE
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) March 4, 2020
3. American Samoa loves villains, who knew!?
The voters of American Samoa were like “we exist and we LOVE villains!” Honestly, it’s inspiring.
— R. Eric Thomas (@oureric) March 4, 2020
4. Truly, we would’ve taken the $500 million right off your hands…
If Bloomberg wanted to waste 500 million he could’ve just called me
— SYLVII YA YA (@SylviaObell) March 4, 2020
5. Half. A. Billion. Dollars.
Good.
May he be warmed by the half a billion dollars he lit on fire. https://t.co/EkG3TGMMmo
— Myke Cole (@MykeCole) March 4, 2020
6. We could’ve had 12 Knives Outs!!!
https://twitter.com/morninggloria/status/1235222107505618944
7. Except my disappointment is spending money on a stale bagel, not an entire election.
like Bloomberg I have spent a lot of money on disappointment
— JP (@jpbrammer) March 4, 2020
8. Bloomberg reporting on Bloomberg:
Nice scoop https://t.co/3hH4AvVKki
— Adam Rubenstein (@RubensteinAdam) March 4, 2020
9. We’ll never forget this fun fact, tbh.
"American Samoa" is going to be a great trivia question answer for a long, long time. https://t.co/dEnBruz5Ub
— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) March 4, 2020
10. Always? Always.
https://twitter.com/darth/status/1235221951133528064?s=20
11. These jokes remain funny (and sad):
Oh I would spend 500 million and I would spend 500 mo’, just to be the man who spent 500 million and won American Samoa.
— Alex Seitz-Wald (@aseitzwald) March 4, 2020
12. I mean…
Mike Bloomberg t-shirt: "I spent $600 million and all I got were these lousy delegates from American Samoa"
— Michael Tracey (@mtracey) March 4, 2020
13. He bought a Super Bowl commercial, people!!
Bloomberg after spending $500 million to win American Samoa pic.twitter.com/E8QHwWhyda
— Ryan Perry (@rynprry) March 4, 2020
14. K, pivoting from American Samoa jokes to… Bloomberg is scared of Elizabeth Warren jokes:
“It is with great regret that I withdraw from the race to be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. Yes, we have the resources to continue, but the reason is simple: I don’t want to debate @ewarren again. I don’t have to and you can’t make me.” @MikeBloomberg
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) March 4, 2020
15. A MIKE DROP!!
Warren forcing Bloomberg out was a real Mike drop.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 4, 2020
16. Yes to all the Uncut Gems jokes:
https://twitter.com/jbillinson/status/1235048220868268032?s=20
17. We all have our quirks!
https://twitter.com/Yair_Rosenberg/status/1235221050629263360?s=20
18. In summation:
https://twitter.com/OMGWTFBIBLE/status/1235224370219569154
Header Image by Brett Carlsen/Getty Images.
